


If I'm the sky, you are the universe

by 160cmofangst (5footsomethin)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, There's is so much angst I have no excuses, i'm the worst, on going so I'm changing the tags every time I update aha :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-04-27 06:32:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5037565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5footsomethin/pseuds/160cmofangst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Oikawa fell more and more in love with Iwaizumi over the years, and how life isn't as we want it to be sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Koi no Yokan

He was 10 years old when he met Iwaizumi Hajime for the first time. The sky was grey when he set foot on that new town. He was crying that day since 8 in the morning, because Oikawa Tooru was scared he wouldn't fit in that new school, in that new place. He didn't want to be stared at when he would be introduced for the first time in that new class full of unknown faces. He was acting like a brat that day, like a selfish kid, crying and whining while he was walking into the new house.

That house was huge, unlike the previous one. He had to admit it was much better to live in that small town then to live in Tokyo in that shitty appartement way too small for the four of them. Plus, he even got to choose first his room in their new home--he picked the one with a balcony, because he used to like going in the roof of their previous appartement, and that balcony gave him the same feeling of freedom he liked about the rooftop.

That evening, he went outside, at the front of the house with his volley ball, wondering if it was a good idea to have asked for it as a christmas gift. Was he seriously gonna use it? Was he really going to play with others volleyball? He kind of liked the idea, because he liked watching the matches on T.V, and he also wanted to be there, on the big screen, playing with all the best of Japan. He wanted to be the best at it. But it was kind of stupid, right? He was 7 at that time, and now he was already wondering if that dream was going to last more than all his previous goals.

He sat on the grass, and stared at the houses all around him, and his eyes dropped at the tree from his new neighbours. Was it a Sakura tree? How unusual, he thought but he kind of like it even so. The tree was close enough to his own balcony, and he wondered if maybe one day he could try jumping from his balcony to the tree without breaking his leg.

"You play volleyball?"

Tooru jumped in surprise, looking at the boy who was standing two meters away from him. He seemed to be taller than him, with such a pretty skin just a little darker than his. His hair was kind of messy, a deep brown, almost black, and hazel shaped eyes with the same deep color. The other boy was staring at him, his brows furrowed, probably waiting for his response but Tooru wasn't sure of how to speak anymore. 

"What's your name?" the other boy asked, sitting at less than a meter from him. "Mine is Iwaizumi Hajime."

"Oikaa Truu..." he mumbled.

"What?" Iwaizumi asked, leaning closer and Tooru felt his cheeks burning, feeling embarrassed about it because there was absolutely no reason for him blushing  like that. But Hajime was now so close he could feel the heat of his body, and Tooru who was feeling cold since this morning liked this sudden change of temperature. 

"My name is Tooru. Oikawa Tooru" he said, feeling his voice was too pitchy compared to Hajime's.

"Oikawa" he repeated for himself, and it felt like he was testing how it felt to say his name. Tooru couldn't help but find it cute. Iwaizumi smiled a little, and Tooru promised himself to make the boy smile even more in the future, if they ever became friends. "So, you like volleyball?"

"I--Yes, I like it a lot."

"Were you about to play?"

"Hm-mh" he sais with a nod.

"Can I join you?"

Tooru noded, and couldn't hide the grin on his face which made Iwaizumi chuckle.

Afeter 30 minutes of trying to toss and spike the ball, Iwaizumi clicked his tongue. "You're kind of really bad at it. Have you ever played before?"

"You don't have to play with me if it bothers you that I'm not good at it!" Tooru shouted, throwing the ball at Iwaizumi's face--he was able to catch it, though--and walking straight to his house. He ignored Iwaizumi's voice calling his name behind him, and closed the front door. He ignored his sister's interrogating glare toward him, and went straight to his room, closing the door behind him, trying really hard not to cry but crying anyway. He opened the door of the balcony, because his room still smelled like fresh painting, and he didn't want his new bed and clothes to smell like that. He also hoped it could rain so he could just go outside and get sick and cry as loudly as he can. He was such a cry-baby, and he hated it.

He heard Iwaizumi calling his name outside, so he went out just to peak a little, hoping Iwaizumi wouldn't notice. But of course he noticed. He was saying something about the ball. Tooru wiped his cheeks and went inside, ignoring the other boy. 

 

It started raining at night, and Tooru finally closed the balcony's door. He just took a bath, and put on his new pajamas and turned on his night light. He sat on his bed, wondering how he could take back his volley ball without having to talk to that mean boy when he heard little knocks coming from the balcony. He stood up, scared like never before, wondering how could someone be knocking at his door? He was a the second floor, it was impossible.

He recognized Iwaizumi's shape. He opened quickly the door, careful about not making so much noise because the last thing he wanted was his parents wondering what he was doing and finding a boy in their balcony. It was still raining, even more than an hour before, and Iwaizumi was all soaked from head to toes. He was standing there, the volley ball in his hand, with nothing but the shorts and tank top he was wearing before. He looked at Tooru with wide eyes, holding the ball right in front of him, frowning and almost pouting. "I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry. Thank you for playing with me, it was nice."

Tooru took the ball and saw Iwaizumi turning around. He looked at the ball for a second before putting it in the floor and went outside, holding Iwaizumi's wrist. The boy turned around, frowning, and Tooru took him inside, and he followed without a word.

"I'll give you a towel, and a change of clothes. Otherwise you're gonna be sick. Put your clothes in that basket" he said pointing at the other side of the room. "Also, you're gonna have to explain to me how you came  up here, and after you apologize for another 5 minutes I will maybe--just maybe--forgive you."

"I never asked you for anything in the first place so why would I--"

"You'll have to work hard for my forgiveness, Iwa-Chan" Tooru said, going to his closet, trying to pick something for Iwaizumi, hoping while he was giving his back to him the blush on his cheeks would disappears, as well as his wide smile.

"Iwa-chan? Don't just call other people with these kind of names. It's embarrassing."

"If you want me to forgive you, you'll have to let me call you that" Tooru said, feeling the blood running faster under his entire skin. When he thought about it, Iwaizumi could as well not care at all about Tooru's forgiveness, and it was kind of terrifying to be rejected by him. He turned around and almost dropped the towel and the blue pajamas he just took for the other boy.

Iwaizumi was standing in front of him in his underwears, took the towel, dried himself kind of aggressively in Tooru's opinion, and took the dark pants he was still holding. He put them in a second, and mumbled a "Don't need the shirt, thank you."

"You're gonna catch a cold, Iwa-chan" Tooru said, hiding a smile when he saw Iwaizumi frowning at the nickname.

"Don't worry about it." Iwaizumi said, standing there, looking at him with the same eyes he had when he gave him the ball 5 minutes ago. "I'm sorry, Oikawa. For what I said. I--" he sighed. "I didn't mean it that way..."

"So what did you mean, Iwa-chan?" Tooru asked, going to his bed and wrapping himself under the blankets. 

"I just started playing a couple of months ago, and I wanted to know if you ever played before because it would have being nice to learn together. That's all. I thought you were good at it at first and you could teach me a little more. But since you are definitely not, I thought we could just... learn together."

Oikawa turned around under his blankets, sticking his head out of them, looking at Iwaizumi who was still standing in the middle of the room. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"For real? No lies? Pinky promise, you really mean it?"

"Why would I lie, dumbass?"

"If you call me dumbass again, I won't let you sleep with me."

"Like hell I want something like that with you."

"Why are you so mean?!" Oikawa cried, covering his head again with the blanket. He felt a little hopeless there, under his cold sheet, shaking because he was freezing there, and trying not to cry because he didn't want Iwaizumi to see him like that. Not again.

He felt a weight sitting next to him, so he closed his eyes, hoping Iwaizumi wouldn't try to force him to open them. Instead, the other boy went under the blankets with him, and took his hand. His hand was hot, and it felt just right. Just so right, and good. "I'm sorry, Oikawa" he whispered and Tooru shivered at those words he wanted him to say over and over again.

"Fine. Just with one condition" He said, opening his eyes and facing Iwaizumi, feeling less cold. Iwaizumi looked at him, asking him _tell me_ with a glare. "If you admit you want me as your volleyball partner."

"Seriously, that's all you want?" Iwaizumi chuckled.

"Maybe. Go on."

"I want you as my volleyball partner" Iwaizumi said.

"You want me as your ONLY partner."

"There are six players in--"

"Just say it, Iwa-chan!" 

"I want you as my only partner, Stupid Oikawa."

"I also want you, Oikawa Tooru as my best friend, forever and ever" Tooru said, hoping Iwaizumi would really want to be friends with him.

"I also want you, Dumbass Oikawa, as my best friend, forever and ever" he chuckled.

"Stop insulting me, Iwa-chan!" he said with a pout, but Iwaizumi held his hand tigher and Tooru felt his heart racing. "Anyway. Let's pretend that will do. I accept your apologies, and I'll think about what you asked me. About being partners and the other stuffs..."

Iwaizumi giggled, and pulled Tooru a little against his chest. Tooru leaned in, and laid his head against Iwaizumi's neck, still holding his hand. "I hope you'll accept, though" Iwaizumi said.

He felt so great. He never felt this great before, and he thought he would probably never feel this way with anyone else. He tried not to think to much about it, though. Instead, he asked "So, how did you came up here?"

"I jumped from the tree."

"What?! But that's--are you insane, Iwa-chan?"

"I used to always do that so I know what I'm doing" he said with a small chuckle.

"How come?"

"I knew the kid who lived here before, and I always came--aouch! Oikawa, what the hell? Why did you kick me, dumbass?!"

"I thought I was--" Special. Tooru thought he was kind of special, so Iwaizumi jumped and risked his life just to see him and apologize but he wasn't at all. Iwaizumi did the same thing for that other kid, and probably for everyone. He was such an horrible person.

"Oikawa..."

"Good night, Iwaizumi" he said turning around, letting go of Iwaizumi's hand.

"Stop doing that."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You do realize you're getting jealous for nothing, right?"

"Not jealous."

"Of course not..."

"Absolutely not. Stupid Iwa-chan."

"It would be stupid of you if you got jealous about something like that, when I already said I wanted you to be my only partner."

Tooru turned around once again, looking at Iwaizumi with (almost) teary eyes. Iwaizumi was simply smiling, taking once again his hand. Oikawa was trying hard not to smile, but he ended up giggling against Iwa-chan's shoulder, this time not caring about his flustered cheeks, or about how sweaty his hand felt in Iwaizumi's hand, and how hot Iwaizumi' skin was. "Stupid, stupid Iwa-chan, don't say things like that" he giggled, hoping he could hear those words again in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing about these two (writing anything at all like this, actually) so I really hope you will like it. This is going to be a multiple chapters, so be a little patient with me, I promise I'll try updating tho s as soon as possible. THANK YOU VERY MUCH' HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT :)


	2. People are full of contradictions

Oikawa Tooru was 13 when he realized he was in love with Iwaizumi Hajime.

That day started as the beginning of the worst one of his life. It all went wrong from the moment he woke up late for his morning practice. It got worse when he realized he forgot his bento at home, since he was in such a hurry trying not to be late for school (but he was still late at the end, and because of that he got detention after school). It wouldn't being that bad, if he hadn't forget his wallet as well. 

So when it was lunchtime and because it was a pretty, sunny day, Iwaizumi wanted to eat outside. Oikawa agreed, and went ahead of him--Iwaizumi needed first to ask something to their coach--taking with him his bottle of water, and decided to wait for Iwaizumi at his locker. _Not eating_ _won't_ _be that bad,_ he thought to himself. He wasn't feeling like eating anyway. He was tired from yesterdays training--the captain of their Volleyball team was a beast, so every training was painful but Oikawa didn't mind. He just wanted to get better. Better and stronger. 

The good part in that--well, the better part he must say--was that Iwaizumi was in the team. They were both regular players even though they were beginners, and both of them were kind of strong for their age, and Iwaizumi's power when he spiked was kind of incredible. Plus, he wasn't scared of the captain's impossible training. In fact, he was the one with the more stamina, the more serious about the trainings and the one who seemed to put more effort into them. Maybe for all those reasons, everyone--even his seniors--had so much respect for him, like if he was the vice-captain or some other important role like that. And maybe because of him, Oikawa was trying even harder. Trying harder because he wanted to play with Iwa-chan, and toss for him at his best, so his friend could spike at his best too. 

"Oi, why are you smiling like an idiot?" Iwaizumi said, walking through the locker. Oikawa sat on the floor, wondering why exactly he was smiling and hoping Iwaizumi wouldn't notice the small blush on his cheeks.

"Iwa-chan, stop bullying me" he whines, because that was the thing he was best at. Iwaizumi clicked his tongue, and Oikawa knew he was saying something like 'Like hell I'm going to stop' or 'That's the only thing you deserve when you whine, dumbass'. If he didn't knew his best friend so well, he could think he hated him but he knew him too well. It was Iwaizumi's weird way of showing he cared. That's what Tooru liked to think, at least.  

He took his bento, closed the locker and started walking, not waiting for Oikawa. 

"Oi."

"Alright, I'll stop complaining about your weird personality, Iwa-chan."

"That's not what I was gonna ask, dumbass."

"Stop calling me that, it's mean! People will think I really am stupid!"

"Because you're not?" Hajime said, and he chuckled. After a while, he added "Don't look at me like that, you know I'm kidding."

"How do you know how I'm looking at you? You're not even looking me in the first place..."

"Like I'd need to see you to know" Iwaizumi said, and then turned around with a soft smile. Oikawa felt his ears hot, and they clearly were red. _Stupid Iwa-chan, stupid stupid stupid... Who says stuffs like that? Who smiles like that?! I hate him,_ he thought, shaking his head to himself, feeling his cheeks hotter by the second. "But that's not what I was about to tell you" Iwaizumi added, with a frown now. 

"Can we stop walking so far away and just stop somewhere to eat, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa said, trying not to think about that weird feeling he still have because of Iwaizumi's smile.

"Exactly" Iwaizumi started, stopping himself and glaring at Oikawa, "we're supposed to eat. So where the hell is your lunch?"

"I'm not that hungry so I decided--"

"So you didn't just skip morning practice, late for school, but you forgot your bento as well?"

"That's not it, I was..." Oikawa started,but it was pointless. Iwaizumi Hajime knew him too well to be fooled like that. "Okay, fine. Yes, I forgot my lunch. Are you happy? I'm stupid, right? And I also missed morning's practice, how dumb, right? He's such a dumbass, that's what you're thinking right? It's written all over your face. Now, can we just sit somewhere so you can eat, Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi just stared at him, not saying a word, and Oikawa hates that the most. It is worse than having him hitting him or insulting him. "Don't pretend you know what I think. And don't say stuffs like that about yourself or I'll hit you." And he just walked toward the nearest bench.

_How embarrassing, venting like that_ Oikawa thought, following his best friend. He sat down, his knees up in front of him, his arm around them. He was pouting. He wasn't doing it on purpose, he wasn't doing it to piss Iwa-chan off even more. It wasn't intentional. He was pouting because if he didn't, he was probably going to cry. And crying in front of his best friend wasn't an option. It wasn't something he'd want in his entire life. He knew how he looked when he cried, and his sister used to always ask him to stop because he cries ugly and just to think about it was embarrassing enough. 

"Stop pouting, or I won't give you any of my food" Iwaizumi said. Oikawa looked at him slightly. He was splitting everything in half.

"I already said I'm not hungry."

"Oikawa..."

"I don't need--"

"Tooru."

Oikawa's heart skipped a beat. He tried hiding his face with his long arms, looking at the opposite side. _This is bad. I shouldn't feel like this. Stupid, stupid Iwa-chan, making me feel so embarrassed for no reason, ugh._ That was probably the first time in two years that Iwaizumi said his first name. They were best friends, sure. They trusted each other--at least, Oikawa trusted Iwa-chan with his life, soul, and everything. But Iwaizumi always, always called him 'Oikawa', or by names like dumbass and... well, dumbass was apparently the only insulting name he knew. But calling him by his first name... "Iwa-chan... don't say such embarrassing things again."

"It's your name, isn't ?"

"Yes but you're not allowed to use it."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because" _I really like it when you say it_ "it's weird."

Iwaizumi stayed silent for a bit. "Okay" he says, "then let me rephrase it. Oikawa, I want to share my food with you so just take it. Plus, yesterday my mom taught me how to make milk bread and I brought some for you." Oikawa looked at him, still trying to hide his face behind his upper arms and knees. Iwaizumi was looking away, and his ears was a bit red. Just a a little bit more than usual, but Oikawa noticed it. _So cute_. "You said last week that you didn't know what it was, and I said I was going to bring you some. It may not be as good as the one my mom does, but it tastes okay."

"You made it for me?" Oikawa asked.

"That's what I said, isn't?"

"No. You said your mom taught you. But did you make it?"

"Yes."

"For me?"

"Oi..."

"For me and only me?"

"Do you want me to hit you?"

Oikawa giggled, accepting half of the food and the piece of milk bread. "Itadakimasu" he says.

"Itadakimasu" Iwaizumi says, "By the way, I just have one pair of chopsticks so you'll have to wait for me to finish."

"But Iwa-chaaaaan" he started

"You said you weren't going to whine, didn't you?"

"Don't remember~"

 

*

 

"I'm in detention for an hour or so, so go on without me Iwa-chan."

"You thought I was gonna wait for you?"

"You weren't?"

"Like hell."

And Oikawa was pouting, while Iwaizumi walked away, leaving him alone in the classroom.

 

*

 

The bad thing about going home alone, one hour after school ended, was how lonely Oikawa felt. Of course, since he was alone for starters. But being alone and feeling lonely were two different things. And most of the time, Oikawa felt the second way. The only moments he didn't felt that way were when he was with his best friend. 

"Am I too attached to him?" he asked to himself. He looked around him, but there was no one in the hallway. At least. "Do I care too much about him?" he continued asking, hoping he could get an answer somehow. But it was pointless. He did like Iwaizumi. He was his first real friend, and probably the only one who was entirely his friend despite knowing how he really was--a whining, a little too spoiled brat. But Iwaizumi was his best friend, nothing more. They could never be anything more. Not that Oikawa wanted more, but.

_But I want him to smile at me like he did earlier. With just that, I could be happy too. That and Voleyball_.

He shook his head, because those kind of thoughts and feelings weren't supposed to be allowed. They weren't supposed to exist in the first place. Iwaizumi Hajime was all grumpy, all the time. Always so serious, with that kind of pout of his, while he's frowning--that was Iwa-chan's daily facial expression. He was always calling Tooru names, hitting him or throwing volley balls at him. He was always complaining about Oikawa being late in the morning, complaining because they always miss the bus because of him, complaining about Oikawa not trying harder in his exams and homework's. So, those feelings had no reason to be. Iwaizumi was always kind of mean, wasn't he? Or maybe Tooru was being a masochist. Maybe he was having that kind of phase. _I'm probably a masochist._  

"Oi, Oikawa. Can't you walk faster?"

Oikawa stopped himself halfway through the entrance of the school. Iwaizumi was there, leaning on his side at the gate. How was that even possible. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"Mayu-kun asked me to help him with something, and I just finished 10 minutes ago, so I waited a bit for you. Let's go?" he said, already walking. Oikawa noded even though Iwaizumi wasn't looking at him anymore, trying to hide his grin. He ran a little to catch up Iwaizumi. "Why are you grinning like an idiot again?" Iwaizumi said, but this time he seemed curious about it. His eyes were on Oikawa, and Oikawa felt like exploding.

He stopped himself halfway, making his friend stop as well. They both just stood there, in the middle of the street, looking one to another, not saying a thing.

When they were 10, Iwa-chan was taller. He was taller, skin darker than his, eyes sharper than his, hair thicker than his. Iwaizumi was the complete opposite of him, and sometimes Oikawa wondered how they could even be friends. But he liked it anyway. He liked their difference, and he liked how his best friend had a seriousness that brought respect from everyone. He liked the way the way he used to defend him when he was new in grade school. He liked how stronger he was than him. He also liked the shape of his eyes, which were so intimidating sometimes. He definitely liked the contrast between Hajime' skin and his own. He liked everything about his friend since he was 10, actually.

Now at 13, they were the same height, and Tooru has that feeling he will grow taller than Iwa-chan. And he liked the idea of them walking back home, side by side, with their height difference. 

"Is there a reason you're looking at me like that?" Iwaizumi asked, with the beginning of a frown.

He liked the fact he pretended he wasn't waiting for him, when he really was. Because he definitely was. Mayu wasn't even at school that day. Such a stupid lie, but Iwaizumi never knew how to properly lie. Not that Oikawa knew better but anyway.

"Iwa-chan, you look really cute when you act all tsundere."

And Iwaizumi hit him, walking ahead. "Don't even come near me, you're so gross" he said, but Oikawa noticed his ears were red, and so were his cheeks, so he just smiled and walked behind him.

_I'm in love with him, aren't I?_

"Wait for me, you walk too fast Iwa-Chan~"

I _'m in love with him, and I'm a masochist._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading once again if you did, this means a lot to me. Oh, how shy I am about this aha. But well. Thank you. And also, sorry for any typos and stuffs. xo


	3. Chocolates and feelings left behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone reading this? Anyhoo, thank you if you do ^^ And I hope you will like this chapter (and also I hope you won't hate me because of it, somehow...) Sorry for any typos or stuffs, I try correcting myself but yeah, I'm doing a bad job at it. xo
> 
> Also: I quote something from the manga, so it may or may not be a spoil?

Oikawa Tooru was 14 when he had his first breakdown, and it was all because of Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

Oikawa knew his power, and he knew he was good, but that was it. He was no genius, he wasn't born with that talent, unlike Ushiwaka, unlike Kageyama Tobio. He was just a good player, who was very good at playing, but he would probably never be the best at it, and that hurt him more than he wanted to admit.

If it wasn't because Iwaizumi had stopped him, he would have hit Kageyama, his own teammate. He wasn't really thinking clear. Or maybe he was, and because of all that frustration, he just needed to vent it all out, and Kageyama was at the wrong place, at the wrong moment, but it couldn't be helped: Oikawa hated geniuses. He hated the fact that there are people who are just good at what they are doing. He hated the fact that in real life, it doesn't matter how hard you work to be the best, because in the end if you're not a genius, you can't make the cut. He hated the fact that he was training like a beast, that he was training so hard to be better. He hated that all his power and talented had a limit, because he wasn't like Ushiwaka, or Tobio-chan. And that was that. He might be at his limit. He already hurt his knee because of overtraining, and had to stop playing for two days already because of that.

"You're saying you already reached the limits of your abilities? Even though your technique, physique and resolution are all still lacking?! Those who possess something that surpasses you have being on a different level since the moment they were born. You'll only lose time if you devote all your energy to bemoaning the fact that it's impossible to overcome that difference, no matter how much effort you put in or how many plans you come up with or comrades you have" his coach started the day Oikawa went to see him. "Still, simply continuing on straight ahead and accepting that ' _You don't have that kind of ability_ ' may just be a harder, more painful road than one were you just give up, bemoaning the gap between geniuses and yourself."

Oikawa looked at his coach, without saying a word. He then remembered Iwaizumi's words.  _With 6 players on the court, the strong is stronger_. He smiled at himself, thanked the coach and went back home on his own, because Iwazumi was sick since the day before. 

He tried visiting him, but his mom told him he was too sick to see him right now.

Oikawa walked through the street, hoping the next day he could talk with Iwa-chan about this. 

 

*

 

Iwaizumi wasn't at school again.

Oikawa decided to skip the last period to go see him. He knew Mr. and Mrs. Iwaizumi were working right now, so it was his only chance to go and see his friend without getting a no as a response.

He knocked at the door at first, wondering if his friend could possibly be up. After a while with no response, he tried opening it and it opened easily. Someone left the door unlocked while leaving. Oikawa frowned at the though of Iwaizumi being left behind, sleeping with the door unlocked. He ran up the stairs, because he needed to be sure he was still asleep, alive, and that no one was robbing the house or anything.

"Iwa-chan!" He called, opening widely his best friend's bedroom. He stood at the entrance of the door, sighing. Iwaizumi was there, all covered up with probably all the blankets of the house, asleep. Oikawa walked quietly inside the room, his eyes resting on the picture they took 4 years ago. They were both smiling, Oikawa missing a tooth and Iwaizumi with his eyes almost closed as he was grinning. He smiled at the memory of the picture, and kept walking in silent, making sure Iwaizumi wasn't going to wake up because of him. He sat on the bed and looked at his friend sleeping face.

"How can you still be frowning?" he asked quietly, rubbing his thumb on Iwaizumi's frown. He kept looking at him, hoping, hoping with all his heart that Iwaizumi wouldn't wake up because he didnt knew how to explain why he was looking at him that way, and touching his face that way, and smiling that way. He ran his thumb over his cheek, and then rubbed his bottom lip. His lips were kind of dried, his cheeks flushed and his skin hot. He was almost, _almost_  sweating. Oikawa bit his own lip, flushing. _I probably look like a pervert right now_.

Iwaizumi opened slowly his eyes, and Oikawa took his hand away. "Tooru?" he mumbled, cheeks flushed--because of the sickness, of course, not because Oikawa was there or anything.  _Of course_  Oikawa thought. "I told my mom not to let you in, why are you here?" His voice was so weak. Oikawa thought it was cute.

"Because I haven't seen you in three days and I was worried, stupid Iwa-chan" he said, touching Iwaizumi's forehead with the back of his hand. "Are you eating well? Do you need a tea?"

"Go home, Oikawa" he whispered, closing his eyes with a frown. "You're gonna catch the flu."

"Like hell I'd care about that" Oikawa said, with his best Iwa-chan voice. Iwaizumi closed his eyes and chuckled. He wasn't frowning anymore. He was just there, smiling, saying a quiet 'dumbass' under his breath, cheeks flushed, and Oikawa wanted to kiss him. But of course he didn't.

"I'm eating well, thank you for asking" he said, opening his eyes a little. "My mom made me vegetable soup for the past few days, I'm okay."

"Do you want me to cook for you?"

"I'll wait for my mom."

"What? But, come on. I can make you an amazing--"

"Last time you prepared us bowls of cereals, you spilled all the milk in the floor."

"I was 10 !"

"It was last week, Stupidkawa" Iwaizumi said trying to hide a smile. Oikawa pouted, looking at Iwaizumi. "You wanna stay with me, though?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" Oikawa says, still pouting.

"I mean" he says, sitting himself, and taking his blankets off, showing the place beside him "do you wanna stay here, with me?" Oikawa flushed at the thought of it, and Iwaizumi looked away adding "I'm bored, and since you probably already have my bacterias, you could just... Never mind, go home Oikawa I'm going to sleep anyways so you--"

Oikawa took his sweater and tie off, unbuttoned the first few buttons of his school uniform and went to the empty space, making himself comfortable, laying on his side. He was looking up at Iwaizumi, who was still sat looking away. "Are you playing hard to get, Iwa-chan?"

"What was that?" Iwaizumi asked, frowning again.

"Just sleep already" Oikawa said, holding on his friend' sleeve. Iwaizumi laid down again, and Tooru was feeling how hot Iwaizumi's body was. "Are you still cold?" he asked, hoping he wasn't going to look at him right now because.

"Kinda" Iwaizumi mumbled, "not like yesterday or the day before that but, yeah. Still."

"But you're sweating..." 

"My fever is going down, that's probably why." Oikawa was taking his shirt off, and Iwaizumi just staring at him. "What are you--"

"We can cuddle like when we first met" he said in a teasing tone, ignoring he was heavily blushing. "That way, you will be okay sooner~"

"That's bullshit" he said, but when Oikawa pulled him in he didn't complain.

Oikawa smiled, thankful that Iwa-chan's face was against his neck and not facing him right now, because he wouldn't be able to hide his happiness.

 

*

 

"You're such a good kid, Tooru. I think Hajime is really lucky to have you as a friend."

Iwa-chan's mom loved him since the first day she met him, and Oikawa loved her like she was his own mother. He always liked going to the Iwaizumi's house, because he always liked the atmosphere, which was kind of different of his own home--while at his house he was always fighting with his sister and getting grounded because of whatever reason, in Iwaizumi's house they were baking together and watching movies together and there were more laugher than yellings. Oikawa would never tell his friend this, but he was grateful to be part of that family. "It's nothing, really. I just hope it tastes good."

When Mrs. Iwaizumi came home an hour ago, she found his son's best friend trying to make a soup because 'I _remember he once mentioned he really liked agedashi tofu, and I just found here (pointing a recipe book she was always keeping as references or inspiration to make new meals) a recipe about a soup of it? So I just wanted to do it.'_ She knew by fact that Tooru wasn't a good cooker. Everybody knew that. But the fact that he was trying because Hajime was sick and because he once mentioned he did like agedashi tofu was still incredible. And after half an hour, they were done cooking. "Of course it's delicious. I'm sure Hajime will like it. I'll go wake him up, so you boys can eat together" she said with a gentle smile, which reminded Tooru of his friend's smile. 

"No, it's alright really. He has to sleep a little more. Anyway, I have homeworks to do so I'll go now. Thank you for your help, I don't know what I would have done without you~" he said with a polite smile.

"Don't underestimate your cooking talents, Tooru. You may not be a chief, but you can be pretty good. The most important thing in cooking isn't about making the best, fanciest and most expensive meal, but to make it with love for the people you care about" she said, and Oikawa felt like she was telling him a life lesson. An important and impressive one. "Well, that's how I see things" and she smiled again, giving Tooru a pot of the soup, which he took with a grateful smile, wondering if his mom would like to eat some.

"Thank you very much, Iwaizumi-san. Really." he said, before heading to the front door, with a strong feeling of accomplishment. It wasn't that he never felt that, but he never felt like that because of something as trivial as cooking for someone. 

But it wasn't just for anyone, wasn't it?

_Who am I kidding_  he thought.

 

 

Iwaizumi : Oi

Iwaizumi : Thanks a lot.

Oikawa : What for? I wonder~

Iwaizumi : U know what I'm talking about. U didnt have to, but u did so thanks.

Oikawa : My pleasureeee~ 

Iwaizumi : Why u always make everything sound so wrong???

Oikawa : Well, maybe you just have a dirty mind.... how naughty Iwachannn~

Iwaizumi : Ill kick your face next time.

Oikawa : No you won't because you love me too much for that <3 

Oikawa was staring at his cellphone, wondering. Wondering if Iwaizumi was going to answer all grumpy and say something mean like he did most of the time, or if he would say something more like I-wont-deny-it-but-shut-up-dumbass. It was like some sort of gamble for Oikawa, and most of the time it was alright to be insulted or anything. But tonight, at this time and place, he wanted Iwaizumi to just tell him to shut up. He wanted him to tell him that, so Oikawa wouldn't feel so clingy and so desperate for his attention. He put his blankets over him, wishing he could just fall asleep. But his cellphone vibrated and...

Iwaizumi : Maybe you're right. Night, trashkawa.

Oikawa's phone fell from his hands to his face. "Dammit" he cursed, his hand resting on his face because that really hurt. But.

_Maybe you're right._

Oikawa smiled, covering his face even more deeper inside his pillow. 

_If I confessed to you, would you reject me, Iwa-chan?_

 

_*_

 

The next day, Iwaizumi Hajime was the most popular boy in their grade. Every boy wanted to know why he wasn't at school all this week, if he was now feeling okay, if he wanted some of their bentos. And surprisingly, many girl came asking him if he was alright, if he wanted anything. Some of them offered to make him some soup, and one of the girl even gave him tea.

"Aren't you so popular, Iwa-chan" Tooru said. They were in the hallway, in front of their classroom, and Oikawa wasn't jealous at all. He had planned to spend the day with Iwaizumi, talking and then practicing after school. He planned giving the chocolates he had on his bag to him while they were heading home, and when Iwaizumi would ask why he was giving him chocolate, he would confess.  _Because I love you, Hajime_. He would call him by his first name for what seemed like the first time. Because he was serious.

"I don't really get why, though. I was sick, there's nothing glorious about that."

"Maybe. But you got so much food and candies for lunch. I was kind of jealous~" he said, half joking.

"Maybe" Iwaizumi said with a shrug. 

"That fried rice Izumo-kun gave to you looked so tasty" he said quietly, with half a smile, not looking at Iwaizumi this time. It was kind of stupid to keep talking about that because it just pissed him a little. But he was the one taking about it, Iwaizumi didn't even seemed willing to talk about it or brag about it. Oikawa was such a kid sometimes.

"Yeah it was really good." And that was enough for Oikawa to start walking away, but then Iwaizumi added "Not as good as the tofu I ate yesterday though." Oikawa turned around, and just looked at Iwaizumi. He looked at him, wondering if maybe Iwa-chan, his Iwa-chan could possibly, maybe just maybe, like him too.

"Iwa-chan, I--"

"Iwaizumi-san!"

Oikawa glared at the girl who interrupted him, but froze. He froze when he noticed the girl was cute, and hiding something behind her back.  _No. No, no like hell you're going to do this to me! Not now!_  She was pretty, with short and black hair, a pretty skin, glasses and long legs. She adjusted her glasses, and looked at Iwaizumi, blushing a little--and she looked good while blushing, which frustrated Oikawa because he always looks pretty stupid when he blushed. "You probably don't know me but--"

"Midorikawa-san" Iwaizumi said.

"What?" Oikawa and the girl said in harmony.

"You're Midorikawa Yuki, right? You're the class rep. of Class 5 I think."

"Y-yes. I--" she started, took a deep breath and was about to say something but Oikawa started laughing. Iwaizumi glared at him, asking with his eyes why the hell he was laughing.

"Just confess, already. Not that it would matter to him, or anyone, but just do it and go to your class. It's bothersome." He was being mean, but he didn't care. He just wanted her to go away. 

And it worked, because the girl decided to just walked away. Oikawa decided he was going to pretend he never noticed the tears in the girl's eyes because it didn't matter anyway. 

"The hell is wrong with you, ShittyKawa?"

"We were talking and she interrupted when she yelled your name. Plus, I made you a favour."

"And how is that a favour, you shithead?!"

"That way you wouldn't have to feel bad about rejecting her feelings or anything, it's obvious!" Oikawa said. People around them were staring, but he didn't care neither. 

"Who said I was going to reject her feelings?" Iwaizumi asked more calmly, and it hit Oikawa. It was like being stabbed by a knife. He never really thought about that. He never at all thought about that. Iwaizumi was walking away, and Tooru held his wrist. Iwaizumi looked at him with a frown, and Oikawa deserved to be punched, he knew it. He deserved nothing from Iwaizumi but he didn't want him to go away. He didn't want to see Iwaizumi walking away to see that girl. He wanted to keep him for himself a little bit more, to apologize, to beg him not to leave but "I'm going to apologize to her" and he went away, leaving Oikawa behind, with a box full of chocolates and his stupid feelings.

 

"You didn't have to apologize, you know..."

"I know."

"I'm the one who--"

"I know."

Silent.

"So, are you two dating now?"

"We're just going to the library after school."

"Such a boring date."

"It's not a date."

"If you say so, Iwa-chan."

 

*

 

_And the next days..._

"Where are you going Iwa-chan? Training hasn't finished yet, we have for at least half an hour more left to--"

"Yukki is waiting for me since the end of classes, I have to take a quick shower and go. I'll see you tomorrow!"

 

*

 

Iwaizumi Hajime was dating a girl for a couple of months now.

Oikawa Tooru had his second breakdown at almost 15.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since in my country we do not have that kind of way to identify which grade we're in, I may or may not make mistakes about the age and grade they are, but it will still make sense... juste maybe not THAT exact as I wished it would be.
> 
> Hope you liked this update as well, xo.


	4. Seasons die one after another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late update, small chapter, I'll try write a bit more this week end :)

"Oi, Shittykawa, stop messing around and start running, already."

They were in their second year of high school, and everyone knew who Oikawa Tooru was. He was an amazing setter since his first year in Aoba Johsai, he was talented and envied by many. Not to mention that every girl, first or third year, had a crush on him at one point. He was popular, and it was obvious why. He wasn't just talented, and good looking, it wasn't just that. He just knew how to act, how to speak with people. He's that much a people person probably because he is a setter, and because he learned to read people so well. He learned so much in a few years that sometimes Tooru himself can't believe it.

But even though he could make anyone fall for him or do whatever he asked for, there was still one thing he couldn't afford.

"Iwa-chan" he says with a genuine, idiotic smile (in Iwaizumi's opinion) while running beside him, leaving the girls he was talking to a second ago. "Just because you're jealous doesn't give you the right to make me miserable, you know?"

"Why would I be jealous?"

"Because I can get girls and not you, perhaps~" Oikawa teased and Iwaizumi hit the back of his head, making Oikawa pouted--but that's nothing new. He was about to say something, when Hanamaki called Iwaizumi. 

"Keep running" he said to Oikawa who was about to go follow him, "You already missed 10 minutes of our training because you were messing around with those girls."

"Why would Hanamaki talk to you, and not me?" Oikawa complained, but he kept running anyway.

He couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about. While running, he noticed Hanamaki and Matsukawa smirking while talking to Iwaizumi. He also noticed Iwaizumi smiling and laughing a little, with his eyes closed and leaning his head back.  _Stupid Iwa-chan, having fun without me_. He stopped running, and went where the three were.

"You're already done?" Iwaizumi asked, frowning again. Oikawa wondered why he only gets frown and not smiles from him.

"I'm tired" he simply says, while sitting on the floor. He knew the gym wasn't the cleanest place, so he shouldn't be laying there but he wanted to rest, and he wanted to know what they where laughing about. "You seemed to have so much fun, I wanted to join" he says with a smile, hoping he didn't seem jealous or anything. Because he wasn't. At all.

"There was a boy from Kitagawa Daiichi at yesterday's practice" Matsukawa started.

"Was there? I didnt notice anyone" Oikawa says, wondering what was the point of it.

"Well there were two boys, actually" Hanamaki said.

"But there was one in particular who was quite... under someone's charm" Matsukawa said, smirking widely and Hanamaki was chuckling again.

"Oi, stop seeing things, you two" Iwaizumi said. He sounded like he was being annoyed, but when Oikawa looked at him, he was holding back a smile. 

"So someone was under who's charm?" he asked.

"Can't you guess?"

"Mine?" Oikawa said, and they both three started laughing, holding their stomachs.

"You know, Tooru-chan" Hanamaki starts, laying beside Oikawa, clinging a little on him, "you may get girls a your feet, but the world doesn't spin around you that much~"

If it wasn't because Makki was one of his favourite people, he would have felt a little bit offended. "So who was it?"

"Hajime-kun~" Matsukawa said. He was standing behind Iwaizumi, his hands on both Iwaizumi's biceps, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

"How can someone--are you sure? It doesn't seem legit to me" Oikawa says, trying to sound amused.

"You know, jealousy isn't good for your skin, Oikawa-kun~" Matsun added, and that made Iwaizumi chuckle a little.

The thing is, Oikawa was getting jealous. Jealous over some brat who was probably just impressed by Iwaizumi, but that was normal, wasn't it? Iwaizumi was quite impressive, all strong and with an amazing set of arms you just wanted to touch. He was tanned, like he just came back from the beach, and he was impressive when he was playing. Tossing to him was so natural for Oikawa, and spiking those tosses were probably as natural for Hajime. Of course he was going to get boys who admired him. Of course. 

But it still bothered Oikawa, somehow.

"Was it someone we knew?" he still asked, because he was still curious.

"Apparently, yes" Hanamaki says, looking at Iwaizumi. "He said he was coming here next year, also."

"Oh, I almost forgot that" Matsukawa said, still clinging into Iwaizumi, but now borrowing his face into his neck. If Oikawa didnt know better Matsukawa, he would have thought he was trying something with Iwa-chan. But that was just the way he was, always hugging and holding his friends, kissing theirs cheeks and saying things that could easily get misunderstood. Hanamaki was the same way, actually.

"Well, I'm glad they'll come here" Iwaizumi says, "I'm sure they--"

"Oh, yeah. Both of them are coming, I forgot that as well" Mattsun added.

"Who are you talking about?"

"Kindaichi-kun and Kunimi-kun" Hanamaki said, "if I remember correctly."

"Kunimi" Oikawa says, remembering him quite well. He always thought he was kind of cute, even though he was such a lazy boy. But Kindaichi... "I don't remember Kindaichi at all...."

"Well, he remembers your Iwa-chan pretty well" Hanamaki said, smirking.

"Don't call him that" Oikawa said, possessively.

"But you always call him that, why couldn't we?"

"Because I'm the only one who can."

"Why?"

"Because i'm special" Oikawa said, but Iwaizumi seemed to disapprove, which made the two others laugh. 

"Anyway, I'm looking forward to it" Hanamaki added, before standing up. They were all going to practice, but Oikawa just wanted to lay there for another minute. 

 

*

 

"Oi, Stupidkawa. Your girlfriend is here."

"Stop saying that, Iwa-chan."

"Isn't that what you guys are?"

"We're not like you and your boring girlfriend. We're just having fun" Oikawa said with a wink.

"If you say so" Iwaizumi said with a shrug.

Oikawa stared at Iwaizumi, wondering if it pissed him a little that a girl was coming to pick him up earlier from practice that day. But he didn't see a thing. Iwaizumi seemed like he couldn't care less, and it was bothersome, somehow. Oikawa went outside the gymnasium, and there was Yumeno-san. She was pretty, with her long and dark hair, and her skin a little bit more tanned than his. She was in Hanamaki's class, and he met her like that--he was talking with Makki, he saw her staring at him, he went to talk to her, she blushed, he asked for her number, she gave it to him, and they started seeing each other since then.

"Yuu-chan~" he said, smiling wide. Iwaizumi would probably say he was forcing it too much, but he wasn't there anyway.

"Oikawa-kun" she said, smiling shyly.

 "I'll just pick up my stuffs, and I walk you home, okay?"

"Hm" she nodded, with a small blush over her cheeks.

He went back inside the gym, and took his bag of the floor. He glanced at the other boys, and noticed Iwaizumi was frowning at his cellphone. He didn't seem mad or anything like what he is used to look like when he frowned. He seemed... worried? Or maybe...

Oikawa shook his head and went outside, trying not to think about Iwaizumi for at least the next two hours.

 

*

 

"How's your girlfriend doing?" Oikawa asked Iwaizumi. 

They were both practicing more than ever--in the morning before school, at lunch when they were done eating, after school until 7pm sometimes, and even on the week end. They were going to the semi finals, and this time for sure they would win. They practiced so much and were becoming a strong team, and Oikawa really, really wanted to win this time.

Oikawa tossed a little higher than usual, and Iwaizumi clicked his tongue before jumping for it. "That was too high, Oikawa" he said with a frown.

"But you still always get what I give you, Iwa-chan" Oikawa says with a bright smile, but Iwaizumi was glaring. "Why are you making a face at me?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm the one who should be asking you that, you know? You've being frowning since this morning... not that's unusual for you, but--"

"Nevermind" Iwaizumi mumbled, "just keep tossing to me, yeah?"

"Of course" Oikawa said.

And they kept practicing until almost 9pm--the coach actually asked them to get some rest before their next game. They were walking back home, when Iwaizumi said "We broke up."

"She dumped you?" Oikawa asked.

"Yeah."

"I was wondering how she could handle you, since you're a brute" Oikawa mocked.

"Shup up."

"What were her reasons? Was it because you weren't sweet enough with her? Or... maybe because you're a bad kisser? Don't tell me--" Oikawa dramatically put his hand over his mouth, "Don't tell me she wasn't satisfied when you two--"

"Shut up, Shittykawa" Iwaizumi snapped, hitting the back of Oikawa's head.

"Probably because you hit her, isn't it? Not everyone is a masochist, you know?"

"You never shut up, huh?"

"Why would I? My voice is a gift for this world, don't you know that, Iwa-chan?" He says with a grin.

"You've being faking smiles a lot, lately" Iwaizumi pointed out.

Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi, who was staring back. Of course, Iwaizumi was going to notice. Of course. "I guess I'm a little nervous, that's all."

"Because of our match against Shiratorizawa?"

"Maybe" Oikawa said with a chuckle. A nervous one. And he knew Iwaizumi wasn't going to ask further. He knew his friend too well. 

Iwaizumi isn't the kind of person who will try to comfort Oikawa in those kind of moments, because he doesn't do all that sweet-and-comforting-talk, he never did, and probably never will. He has his own way to show he cares, or that he worries. He also knows when to scold him. But when it comes to stuffs like that, about the nervousness before an important match, he knows Oikawa just needs to vent it out, somehow. 

They were both in front of Oikawa's house, and just stood there for a little while before Iwaizumi opened his mouth. "Do you want to come over mine? My mom made yakisoba, and we could--" Oikawa's cellphone started ringing, interrupting Iwaizumi. Oikawa looked at him,a little annoyed because he really wanted to hear Iwaizumi asking him to go to his house. He really, really wanted to hear him ask him to sleep at his place too.

"I'll just take this, it will last a second, just wait, okay?"

"Nah, don't mind. We'll do that tomorrow" Iwaizumi said, waving at him and walking away, leaving Oikawa on his own, his cellphone still ringing.

 

 

Oikawa : We could be watching movies right now if you had waited for me è.é

Iwaizumi : Maybe.

Oikawa : I'm sorry.

Iwaizumi : ?? ?

Oikawa : About your girlfriend

Iwaizumi : Yeah.  
Iwaizumi : Well.  
Iwaizumi : It's not like you actually liked her or anything so don't worry.

Oikawa : Just because I disliked her a little bit doesn't mean I didnt want you to be happy, Iwa-chan!!! Who do you take me for???

Iwaizumi : Aha. Thanks.

Oikawa : So, after years of being together, why did she broke up?

Iwaizumi : She felt like she had to 'share' me every time, and she couldn't handle that anymore.  
Iwaizumi: Or something like that.

Oikawa : Thats pretty stupid, Iwa-chan...  
Oikawa : She knows you had volleyball and stuffs since the beginning...

Iwaizumi : It wasn't because of volleyball ahaha  
Iwaizumi : She thought I spent too much time with you, and since you made it clear you hated her, she made up her mind.

 

Oikawa was staring at his cellphone. How was he supposed to answer to that. It wasn't like he could just tell Iwaizumi how funny that was, or how happy he actually was that they broke up. It wasn't because he was embarrassed of his feelings toward his friend or anything, but he was scared of Iwaizumi reaction. He was also afraid of being rejected, because it would be the only person in this world he couldn't bear the idea of losing. 

 

Iwaizumi : You should treat me to ramen because of that. For an entire week.

Oikawa : Ahaaa~ okay okay, I'll do that as an apology (^.^)

 

*

 

Shiratorizawa won. Again. 

Oikawa felt like shit, and was mad. Mad at himself for not training enough, mad at at Ushiwaka for being that good. Mad because he really though they could make it this year, but they didn't. 

"We still have next year, Tooru-chan" said Makki, his arm around Oikawa's shoulders. "'til then, we're gonna work hard, and we'll be stronger than ever, and make it 'til the end, yeah?"

"So stop pouting, you're not cute at all when you do that" Mattsun added.

"Also stop frowning, it seems you're having a frown competition with Iwaizumi-san" Makki said, making them all laugh a little.

"Did you notice, Makki? When Tooru's upset, his nose make that weird frown too" Mattsun said with a smirk

"That's not true, my nose doesn't make something like that!" Oikawa protested.

"Okay, Tooru. If you say so~"

And they all went to eat ramen that day, and surprisingly, Iwaizumi didn't hit him, or said anything mean. Instead, he smiled a lot, and Oikawa felt better, even though it was such a shitty day.

 

 

It was almost 10pm, and they were staring at the sky, laying on the grass, just the two of them. Iwaizumi was holding Tooru's hand, pretending he wasn't aware that Oikawa was crying--Oikawa was thankful for that, because he hated crying in front of Iwaizumi.

"I really wanted to win."

"I know."

Iwaizumi's hand was hot in his own, and he wondered if the rest of his body was as hot. He snuggled his face on Iwaizumi's neck, feeling better. Just a little, until his cellphone rang. Oikawa clicked his tongue, pressing his lips against Iwaizumi's skin, making the latter shiver. Oikawa grinned at that reaction.

"Oi. Stop doing that, and pick up your phone."

"Don't want to" he said, his right leg now over Iwaizumi, and his hand going under his shirt, seeking for warmth. He knew Hajime hated when he did stuffs like that, but he didn't care that night--or never really cared at all, to be honest.

"You're too clingy, Oikawa" Iwaizumi said, but didn't push him away.

"It's not like it bothers you~"

"You should go see your girlfriend, she would be glad to keep you company."

"She's no girlfriend, Iwa-chan. We are just--"

"Having fun, yeah you already said that."

Oikawa pressed his lips against Iwaizumi's neck, with a smirk. "It's not like you and I~"

"You're gross."

And they both laughed, even though OIkawa's laugh was trying hard to hide a sob.

 

*

 

As their second year of high school was ending, Oikawa started being more popular, getting a confession almost everyday. And because he was such a showoff, he was always talking about those girl to the team, and Iwaizumi always ended up throwing volley balls at him because it was annoying.

Now that Iwaizumi didn't have a girlfriend, Oikawa was feeling better, and that made him feel kind of bad sometimes. He really did want to see his Iwa-chan happy, but he wanted to see him happy with him, not with someone else. He was selfish, always acting like a spoiled kid, but he couldn't really help it. And now that their second year was ending, he just had one year left to be with Iwaizumi everyday.

Oikawa tried not to think too much about that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING, AND THE KUDOS :) it's kind of sweet of y'all xoxo


	5. You and me and the sattelites

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate chapter 148, so there is no way I'll write about that match, just so you know. This fifth chapter (and probably the next one too) takes place before that, but I won't mention anything about Seijou's match or Seijou being defeated because IT STILL HURTS ME, OKAY?
> 
> But well, THANK YOU AGAIN IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, I really hope you'll enjoy it :)

Kindaichi Yuutarou, first year, middle blocker was clearly in love with Iwaizumi Hajime, and Oikawa was totally annoyed by that. 

At first, he thought it was admiration--Iwaizumi was Kindaichi's senpai AND Seijou's ace, after all. He then noticed how Kindaichi was always asking Iwaizumi for blocking tips, and he noticed how happy he seemed every time Iwaizumi told him he was doing good or he  was getting better with his blocks. Oikawa was suspicious about it, but it was kind of normal. Everyone in the team and outside the team thought Iwaizumi was the coolest kid, and sometimes Oikawa was a little bit jealous of that. He would never admit it though. 

But now, it was obvious. Anyone with eyes could see how Kindaichi was crushing hard over his senpai, and Oikawa tried not to care about it, but he was annoyed. He knew Iwaizumi was beautiful, he knew that since day one, but the fact that  _someone else_  was also aware of that made him jealous. Hajime has always being by Tooru's side, no matter how annoying he could get sometimes but since Kindaichi was there, he sometimes ignored Oikawa's pouting face and preferred helping Kindaichi with his blocks or with his homework's or just actually talk with him.

Oikawa was sat on the floor, watching from afar how Iwa-chan was vividly talking with Kindaichi, and how he was chuckling sometimes. He also noticed how Kindaichi was grinning, and how his cheeks were turning pink by moments. Oikawa wasn't at all pissed, and he didnt clicked his tongue because he was jealous because of that first year neither.  _Of course not_.

"Did you notice, Mattsun?  _Someone_  is always glaring at Iwaizumi-san when Kindaichi-kun is with him~"

"I wonder why~"

"Maybe because  _that someone_  thought Iwaizumi wouldn't be interessed in another guy~"

"Oho, so  _someone_  is jealous, I see, I see~"

Oikawa glared at Hanamaki and Matsukawa, who were now sat both by his side. "You two are awful. Horrible friends."

"What are you talking about?" Hanamaki asked, "We weren't talking about you..."

"We were talking about some--"

"I deserve better friends than the two of you, seriously" Oikawa tried to sound pissed but he ended up smiling. It was impossible to really be mad at those two, he knew that from the start.

"You know, Oikawa... you should just tell him you like him."

"What?" Oikawa choked. "Tell who?"

Matsukawa looked at Hanamaki, who just shrugged. "We've known each other for now three years, you know?"

"We saw each other in our good and bad days" Hanamaki added.

"We've known you when you weren't that popular, and when you had acne and stuff" Matsukawa said.

"I NEVER had acne!" Oikawa cried out, "That's ridiculous!"

"We saw you when you were all small and ugly" Hanamaki said looking at Matsukawa, who was trying not to laugh.

"Small and ug-- you guys aren't just terrible friends, but liars as well!" Oikawa said, offended.

"Anyway, you got the idea, right? We know you since our first year here, we spend so much time together..." Matsukawa started again.

"I see you even more than my own family. It's like if we were all married with each other" Hanamaki added.

"Kind of gross, sometimes" Matsukawa approved.

"So we already know it, Oikawa. We all know it. Kindaichi and Iwaizumi are probably the only ones who aren't aware of your feelings though. Kindaichi-kun because he doesn't see anything else that isn't Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi because he's...kind of dense, sometimes."

"When it comes to Oikawa, he's always dense, actually" Matuskawa noticed, and Hanamaki nodded.

"I... don't know what you two are talking about."

"Oikawa--"

"I don't know and I don't wanna know" Oikawa added, and looked back at Iwaizumi, who was now taking a sip of his bottle of water while watching over Kindaichi and Kunimi's practice.

"Do you love him since you were kids?"

"Is that why you came to this school? Because Iwaizumi was coming here?"

"I had enough" Oikawa said, standing up but Hanamaki held his hand, silently asking him to sit down. He sighed, before doing as he was silently told.

"We're not making fun of you, you know?"

"Yeah, sure" Oikawa said, trying to sound nonchalant. But he was failing at it.

"Really" Matsukawa added, "we just think... you should tell him."

"Because you'll lose him to Kindaichi, and we'll have to pick up the pieces of your broken heart, and we don't want that" Hanamaki said, his arm around Oikawa's shoulders.

"Don't worry about it, there are loads of girls who would be glad to comfort me" Oikawa said with a smile.

"If you say so" Hanamaki said, with a small smile, now resting his head on Oikawa's shoulder.

Oikawa closed his eyes, a frown on his face. "Plus, Iwaizumi would reject Kindaichi." The two other boys turned their head toward Tooru, asking a silent question. "Iwaizumi isn't... attracted to males. He dated that girl for what, three years or something."

Matsukawa and Hanamaki just chuckled at that.

 

*

 

"Nice block, Kindaichi!"

"Don't mind, don't mind, Kindaichi!"

"That was great, Kindaichi!"

They were practicing in the third gym, this time. It was already 6pm, and Oikawa was tired and really annoyed. He wasn't even concentrated in the game, anymore. He was just tossing way too high for everyone or way too quick, which made Iwaizumi tell him to take a break if that's what he needed. What he really needed was probably a shot of tequila to handle how annoying Iwaizumi and Kindaichi were.

When he went back into the game, he tossed the ball way too high for Kindaichi to reach, he knew it. It wasn't really on purpose, he just...really wanted Kindaichi to fail. But he didn't, because Kindaichi was able to jump surprisingly high, which made him even more pissed. "Sorrry, sorry, Kindaichi-kun. That was a little high to reached, but I knew you could do it~" he said with his most innocent smile.

"T-Thank you, Oikawa-san" Kindaichi said, a genuine smile on his face. Was he shy? Oikawa couldn't tell, but he didn't really care anyway. 

"Oi, Shittykawa. Toss properly, next time" Iwaizumi said.

"I always toss properly, Iwa-chan" Oikawa said, trying not to frown, trying to keep smiling.

"Stop making that face or I'll hit you" he simply replied.

"So cute, Iwa-chan" Oikawa said, now with a smirk. "Defending Kindaichi-kun like that, no wonder he likes you so much, right Kindaichi?"

There was a silence, a terrible silence in the gymnasium. Oikawa wished he hadn't said that, he really wished he could just take back his words. But instead of apologizing, he kept smirking at Iwaizumi, keeping his head a little high, because there was no way he would admit he was wrong for saying such a thing.

Kindaichi, who was always blushing every time Iwaizumi praised him, wasn't even a little pink. He was clearly embarrassed,  and he was paler than usual, he almost-- _almost_ \--seemed sick. "It's late, I'll just go home" he finally said, turning around, and leaving the gym, without taking his school bag or anything.

"I'll take these for him" Kunimi said, taking Kindaichi's bag and jacket and left the rest of the team. 

"We should go, too."

"Yeah, sure."

"Tomorrow we have a quiz, right?"

"Right, let's go to my place and study."

"Yeah."

And just like that, everyone left, leaving Iwaizumi and Oikawa alone.

And again, there was a silence. 

"Oi."

"You want me to apologize? Okay. I'm sorry~" Oikawa said, taking his shoes off, throwing them in his bag, not looking at Iwaizumi. "It was a joke okay? I was kidding~" he added, putting his coat and his outdoor shoes on.

"Why did you--"

"God, Iwa-chan, are you blind?!" Oikawa snapped, "Kindaichi clearly likes you! He looks at you with those heart eyes, gosh you're so dense!"

And again, that silence. Oikawa looked up at Iwaizumi, who was now staring at him. "What are you saying, Assikawa?"

"I'm saying Kindaichi has a crush on you, and everybody noticed except for you" Oikawa said, bitter.

Iwaizumi stayed silent for a while, lost in his thoughts. "Is that so..." he simply said, walking toward the exit of the gym. "I'll wait for you outside, Oikawa."

"Don't bother, Iwa-chan. I'll stay to practice a little more."

"You already put your outdoor shoes, Stupidkawa."

"I'll practice outside. Just--" he sighed, "Go, already. I'll close the gym. Just go, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi clicked his tongue. "You're such a pain" he said, before leaving Oikawa alone.

Oikawa sat on the floor, his knees against his chest, his hands covering his face. "Stupid, stupid Iwa-chan" he said, ignoring how desperate he sounded.

 

 

Oikawa : I'm sorry.  
Oikawa : I'll apologize to Kindaichi tomorrow. 

Iwaizumi : Go outside for a minute? Not ur balcony, backyard is better.

 

Oikawa's chest felt tight. He was already under the blankets, he was already in his pyjamas--an alien T-shirt and a black sweatpants now a little too short. He still left his cellphone on his bed, and tried to sneak out without a sound. 

Once outside, he saw Iwaizumi was there, sat on the stairs. Oikawa felt a chill going down his spine, and he knew it wasn't because of the temperature. "Are you coming or you want to stay there staring at my back like a creep?" Iwaizumi said, his head turned toward him.

"It's cold and the stairs are dirty. Don't wanna sit there" he said, half lying, trying to ignore the nervousness growing inside of him.

Iwaizumi turned around entirely, facing Oikawa. "Is there something you want to tell me, Trashykawa?"

"Well, you're the one who asked me to come outside, actually so..."

"That's not what I meant. Back when we were practicing. When you told me about Kindaichi."

"Look, I already said I'm sorry so--"

"Can you let me finish, dammit?!" Iwaizumi snapped, and Oikawa probably looked pretty bad, because after a sigh he added "I'm sorry, I just... Let me finish, yeah?" Oikawa just nodded. "I tried thinking about what you said, and I wondered why you said it like that, and why you sounded so bitter, and I also asked myself why you were always glaring at me when I was talking with Yuutarou and--"

"Yuutarou?" Oikawa gasped, "wait, you call him by his first name?! You guys are already that close?!" and he chuckled, bitter.

"Like I was saying" Iwaizumi said, ignoring Oikawa, "I was wondering why you could be that mad at us. And I came to a conclusion."

"Oh" Oikawa said, "and tell me about it, Iwa-chan."

"You're jealous."

"Why would I be?" OIkawa asked, this time trying not to look at Iwaizumi.

"Because you have feelings for someone" Iwaizumi said, and Oikawa's eyes widened. "And since we are always together, you're jealous. Am I wrong?" Oikawa was silent. "Am I wrong, Oikawa?"

"I don't have feelings for anyone, Iwa-chan" he said, biting his lower lip.

"Look" Iwaizumi said, with a sigh. "We've being best friends for what, 7 years already. You can tell me."

"Iwa-chan--"

"I didn't even intend to do anything with him actually. I mean, yeah we accidentally kissed once but--"

"WHAT?!" Oikawa gasped, not even trying to hide his anger. But more than angry, he was just...envious. A ball of envy and sadness, mixed with anger too, probably. In less than a year, Kindaichi got more than he could get in what, seven years?

"BUT" Iwaizumi said, standing up this time, "as I said it was an accident. Makki was pushing Mattsun over me and Yuuta--"

"I don't care about you and  _Kindaichi_  kissing, really. I don't need the details" he said, emphasis on Kindaichi's name because how could  _his_  Iwa-chan be that much at ease with that brat?

"Can you let me finish?" he asked again, now less than a meter away from Oikawa. Oikawa nodded, looking away. "So, I never intended to do or have anything with him. So if you like him, you can--"

Oikawa didn't listen until the end. It was pointless, right? Iwaizumi Hajime was thinking his best friend, Oikawa Tooru, was in love with that first year. And it was simply ridiculous. "What the--you think I like Kindaichi? Are you serious?"

"Am I wrong?" Iwaizumi asked, frowning.

 _Stupid, stupid Iwa-chan_. And Oikawa started laughing. He laughed, holding his tummy with both hands, leaning back his head against the door. He shouldn't be laughing that much, and that loud, because his mom would certainly ground him for being awake that late at night, but he couldn't help it.

"Iwa-chan, you are so--" he said, but he was still laughing. And after a while, Iwaizumi started laughing too. He was feeling weirdly good. He was definitely not okay, but that was probably the first time he laughed that much in a while. First time in a while that he didn't fake it as well. "Yes, I was jealous" Oikawa said after a while. "But it wasn't that way..."

"So why were you jealous?"

"Because" he said, sighing, "I--"

He looked at Iwaizumi, who wasn't frowning for once. He was there, waiting for an answer, and Oikawa really wanted to tell him.  _Because I like you, Iwa-chan_. It was easy, it was simple. Of course, Oikawa hoped Iwaizumi would be the one saying those words first, but it never happened. Now, Iwaizumi was in front of him, and Oikawa swallowed nervously, and closed his eyes, because he knew he just had to say it but instead, he just chuckled.

"You what?" Iwaizumi asked.

"I felt left apart" he ended up saying, "I wanted to tell you about the girl I was seeing, but you were always with Kindaichi. I had no one to tell my stories" he said with a smile, opening his eyes, looking at Iwaizumi, but in the same time not really looking at him.  _I'm such a coward, aren't I?_

"Are you stupid?" Iwaizumi asked, with a sigh, and Oikawa thought yes, he probably was stupid. "I was just helping him, and stuff. He really looks up to us, he really is a good kid. You should be more kind to him instead of saying weird stuff about him in front of everyone."

Oikawa laughed, his eyes burning a little.  _Don't cry now, Tooru. You look like shit when you cry_. "I'm sorry" he said, with a smile, now looking at Iwaizumi.

"Stop apologizing so much, Oikawa."

"I'm sorry" he said, and he felt something warm against his cheeks. Tears.  _Of course_. He wiped them away, but they kept running, so he turned around. 

"Why are you crying?" Iwaizumi asked, his hand taking Oikawa's. "Oi, come on." And he forced Oikawa to turn around, taking him into a hug. "Don't cry. You know I don't like seeing you cry." He said, patting his back. Oikawa's head was snuggling into Iwaizumi's neck, and even though he was taller than him, he felt like he was 10 again in Iwaizumi's arms. "Plus, you look ugly when you cry."

"So mean~" Oikawa whined with a small chuckle, "I know you secretly think I'm cute."

"Of course I do, stupid" Iwaizumi said, and Oikawa could even hear Iwaizumi's smile. "You're just less cute when you cry, that's all."

"Iwa-chan said I'm cute" Oikawa said, his hands holding Iwaizumi's waist, "I knew you wouldn't resist to me for so long~"

And they both laughed and stayed like that for a little more, before Iwaizumi left, both going to sleep because they had practice at 8am the next day.

Oikawa went back to his bed, and smiled at the ceiling, tears straming down his face, not sure if he was feeling better now that Iwa-chan wasn't there to hold him.

 

*

 

After those events, Oikawa started seeing a different girl almost every week.

"Can't you settle down with just one, Shittykawa?"

"Don't be jealous, Iwa-chan. I'm sure you'll get laid, even though you're not cute at all~"

 

*

 

During classes, and even practices, Oikawa noticed how Hanamaki's hand was sometimes brushing Matsukawa's. He noticed how Mattsun looked at Makki, looking at him with that soft expression he never gave to anyone else. He noticed how Makki actually smiled--not smirked--when Mattsun told him he was looking good that day.

Oikawa tried not to think about Iwaizumi when he noticed his closest friends were falling for each other.

He tried not to think about how stupid it was to see different girls every time, ending up telling them he didn't have time to date because of Volleyball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING :) don't be shy to tell me what you think so farrrr~


	6. How much to give and how much to take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update, update~
> 
> I'm sorry it actually took me so much time to update, I've being working my ass off this weekend at my job and doing sketches. But I really had this idea in my mind, and started writing it at my break and yeah, it ended up with this. Hope you will like it, and sorry about typos and stuffs, english is...well, I'm trying to get better okay? aha <3

"Nice, Kindaichi!" Oikawa said, patting his back, smiling so much his eyes even closed a little.

"Thank you, Oikawa-san" Kindaichi said, grinning back, cheeks a little pinker.

After a while--well, a little more than 6 weeks to be more specific--Oikawa started to like Kindaichi. He learned a lot more about him, and liked how much efforts he actually puts into each practice, or how he learned to jump a little higher after every practice match, or how Iwaizumi has being there for him when he was feeling he wasn't worth being a regular on the team. Kindaichi was trying to get better, to jump higher, to block everything and anyone they had to play against. He was really willing to give it all for their next matches against Dateko, Karasuno and at last, Shiratorizawa. Kindaichi wanted victory for his senpai, and that was why he was doing his best to become better. 

" _You know, Oikawa-san, you weren't really wrong_ " Kindaichi said to him when they were just chatting about practice and stuffs a while back. Iwaizumi was with Matsukawa, since Hanamaki was having cram school a little more than usual. It was the first time, and it was probably be a once-in-a-lifetime thing that Oikawa and Kindaichi were talking about that topic, perhaps because of the incident before. " _I do like Iwaizumi-san a lot. It may be obvious, because even Kunimi complained about it. I do like him, but more than that I really admire him, and respect him as my senpai, I guess. He always say and do things in such a coolish way, you can't not look up at him, right? Everytime he tells me things about teamwork, I just... get this feeling of security? Like, even if the best I'm able to give for the team isn't enough, he'll still have my back, so I don't have to worry. He's so impressive. And... I really want to be of use for this team, because it means a lot to me, probably not as much as it means to you, to Iwaizumi-san or Matsukawa-san or Hanamaki-san but... I want us to win, all of us together. Don't you feel like we could do it, this time?"_

And since that conversation, Oikawa felt a little jealous of how mature and sincere Kindaichi was, and they started hanging out together a lot more, to everyone's surprise.

 

*

 

"Makki-chan" Oikawa whined, jumping into the boy's arms, "I was missing you so much these few days. "

Hanamaki didn't come to school for two days because of the flu. It wasn't that much of a big deal--Matsukawa ditched school once for what, a week? And Iwaizumi also went missing for a total of four days (not that Oikawa actually counted them, not at all)--but since Iwaizumi and Matsukawa started having too much fun together, Oikawa was missing Hanamaki.

They were in the hallway of school, and Oikawa wasn't feeling like going into class that day. He wish he could just skip, but to go where exactly?

"Too-chan~" Hanamaki said with a grin, "I was sick for what, two days? I didn't know you loved me that much~"

"Stupid" Oikawa said, "I forgot how full of yourself you actually are, don't love you anymore. And don't call me that."

"What? Too-chan?" Hanamaki whispered in Oikawa's ear, and Oikawa shivered. "If you honestly didn't want me to call you that, you wouldn't actually shiver when I do."

"You're horrible" Oikawa said and buried his face into his hands, holding on a laugh because he really missed his friend. 

"What happened while I wasn't at school? Why aren't you with Matsukawa and Iwaizumi?"

"About that, when were you going to tell me you two were... you know?" Oikawa said. He tried, really, not to be upset about it because he had no right to be. But they were some of his best friends, and he just felt--what exactly? Left behind? Oikawa wasn't able to put a word on his feelings toward his friends, but he wasn't as happy as he would like to be. 

"We were what?" Hanamaki said, and for a second Oikawa wondered if maybe they weren't really-- "If you mean dating, well... I thought you knew?"

"How was I supposed to know?!" Oikawa said a little to loud, making some students turn around, probably wondering why he was louder than usual.

"Weren't you supposed to be the one who analyze people and situations?"

"But I thought you two were like--" and he stopped himself.  _I thought you two were like Iwa-chan and I_. But no. Makki and Mattsun were more than that. "I just--Anyway, you should have told me!"

"Dude, you're shouting again, so annoying" Hanamaki said, taking him by the upper arm and dragging him at the school's gate. "You don't seem your usual self today" he continued while they were walking, ignoring the glares people were giving them, not because they were clearly cutting class, but probably because it was the first time Oikawa wasn't saying goodbye to the girls passing by before leaving. "And I was going to ignore it because I thought I was maybe wrong but--"

"Makki, I can't skip today. We have that homework to--"

"Yeah, because you care about those things. Like I didn't know you already gave it to the teacher because you're a nerd like Iwaizumi, doing homework in advance and stuff" Hanamaki said, now in the street. He took Oikawa's hand in his, and looked at him for a second. "We have to run, because I think a teacher saw me."

And they ran, Oikawa still holding Makki's hand, and feeling a little relieved that his friend was there with him, but mostly grateful he actually noticed he wasn't feeling that great, and he decided to skip classes with him instead of joining all the others. It may sound selfish to want that much attention from others, but that's how Oikawa actually is. He sometimes wishes he would be more of a giving person, mostly with his closest friends.

They stopped in front of Makki's building. "We can go inside, or we can just chill in the back of the building. There's a playground I like, and never get the chance to actually play inside" he said, smirking just a little.

Oikawa chuckled, because how could that tall guy want to play on a playground meant for children under 6 years old? "We can stay outside" he said, because he didn't really mind where they were going to be, he just wanted to be far away from school.

They finally went inside. At first, they were just supposed to leave their bags and stuffs, but Hanamaki was hungry, and Oikawa wasn't going to say no to a homemade meal. Makki was an excellent cooker, and he remembered asking him once to teach him how to make cookies. It didn't turned up well, and Oikawa never asked him again. It was quite embarassing, and Makki teased him for so long because of it.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened with Iwaizumi?" Hanamaki asked, giving him a bowl of udon noodles.

"Nothing hap--" Oikawa started, sitting on the couch with his friend.

"You're such a bad liar" Hanamaki laughed, whispering  _itadakimasu_  and digging into his bowl. Oikawa wondered if he really was starving that much. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me now. Want me to tell you a story, though?" Oikawa raised his eyebrows, and nodded, eating quietly. Hanamaki finished his bowl quickly, and then coughed a little. "I was friend with Matsukawa since I was what? 6, I think? He was my first friend, and we went to the same school, our moms were really good friends. Anyway. At 10, we left this town to live in Tokyo because of my dad's job. I wasn't unhappy, but I wasn't that happy either. So I asked my mom if I could live here, on my own, for high school. She said no, and then I remembered Mattsun's mom was friend with mine, and I had an idea.

"I told my mom I wanted to go to Seijou, and to be part of the Volleyball team, because my childhood best friend never stopped talking about it to me. She asked me who it was, and when I told her it was Matsukawa Issei, she told me she was going to think about it. She ended up calling Mattsun's mom, they talk and stuff and she told me I could live on my own if I could convince my dad.

"I think I've being in love with Matssun since our first year in Seijou, and Hajime was the only one to know about it. And, I was okay with being nothing more than his friend, you know? I was okay until last year, when a girl confessed to him, and he actually did agree on a date with her, just before the end of our second year. I was a little mad, but I thought 'Ah, right. Mattsun can do whatever he wants. He's not mine'. I thought that, and I talked about it with your lovely Iwa-chan, I told him what I felt and you know what he told me?"

Oikawa shook his head, a little surprised. He never knew any of that, and he couldn't really believe Hanamaki told Iwaizumi those things instead of telling him.

" _'You'll never get anything if you tell yourself_  Oh. I'm fine the way it is now.  _If you don't dream big, you won't accomplish anything bigger. If you like him, just tell him, dumbass_ ' or something like that" Hanamaki said and he smiled at that, while Oikawa chuckled because of course, that's what he would say, right? "So I listened to him, because when Iwaizumi says something, it actually kind of... stay on our mind or something. He has that kind of power, it's kind of creepy" he said and Oikawa exaggerate a nod, making Makki laugh a little. "So I confessed to Mattsun on our last day of school. And he was surprised, he thought I was never going to tell him. He knew all along, and he liked me too, but thought I needed time or something like that. He told me he even cried for an entire week when I left town back when we were kids, can you imagine?! We laughed about how dense we were, and since then we started dating."

Oikawa had teary eyes, and Hanamaki wiped away a tear from his cheek. "It wasn't supposed to make you cry, Too-chan."

"Stop calling me that" Oikawa said, wiping both his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Then, stop crying" Makki said, tapping his thighs so Oikawa could rest his head on him. Oikawa laid down, his head on Hanamaki's lap, and the latter started playing with his hair, because when Oikawa was sad, he needed to be comforted--Makki knew his friend for long enough to know that. "I told you that, because Mattsun and I want you to find happiness as well."

"I'm happy most of the time, Makki-chan" Oikawa said, his eyes now closed.

"But you would be happier with Iwaizumi, right? Not with some random girl you're now dating..."

"We broke up."

"Is that why you were in such a mood at school?"

Oikawa opened his eyes, because-- "Not exactly... I was in that mood, because when she broke up with me, I didn't care that much and I think she noticed. And you know what she told me? 'Maybe if Iwaizumi-kun was the one leaving you, you would seem a little sad' and she just left."

"That's what happens when you date a girl in your class and not a younger one~"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Oikawa choked.

"Oikawa" Makki said with a deep sigh. "All the girls in our classes know you just care about Iwaizumi. That's why every girl you've being seeing the past years were or younger or from another school: third year girls all know you're already taken. Still don't know why that girl in your class confessed."

"You're so mean..."

"Are you really telling me I'm mean when I cooked for you minutes ago, and while I'm fucking petting your head?!"

Oikawa grinned widely, not forcing it or anything. Hanamaki was amazing, really. "I should have fall for you" he said, and they both laughed.

"I think I would have chose Iwaizumi instead of you, actually~"

"WHAT?! How dare you..."

"Iwaizumi or Kunimi, I don't know. Kunimi is quite tall and pretty, don't you think?"

"Stop talking nonsense" Oikawa said.

"Kunimi is really pretty, though~"

"I'm prettier" Oikawa smirked and Makki shrugged. "I hate you."

"Of course you don't" Makki said with a smirk.

 

 

That same day, Oikawa went home at almost eight. He literally spent the whole day in Makki's place, eating, sleeping, talking, watching romantic movies--because Hanamaki refused to watch stupid alien movies--and finally Mattsun called his boyfriend, so Oikawa decided it was probably time to go back home.

"I'm home" he said quietly, closing the door behind him, and his mom appeared right in front of him. Not saying anything at all, just staring at him. "You're not going to tell me 'welcome back'?"

"Where were you?"

"What?"

"Hajime-kun asked me if you were okay, because you didnt go to school today. He thought you were sick, and I was quite surprised because I saw you going to school this morning so, I'm asking you again. Where were you?"

"I was with Makki..." he said, not sure of what this was about.

"Well. Hajime stayed here until an hour ago. You should--"

"Iwa-chan was here?" Oikawa asked, trying not to sound so happy because there wasn't any reason for him to be, really. Not any at all.

"He looked upset, in my opinion. Apparently he wanted to show you something or--"

Oikawa wasn't listening anymore. He excused himself, and asked his mom if he could go at Iwaizumi's place. In response, she just opened the front door and nodded to him with a small smile. 

Back outside, he ran to the house just beside, and knocked at the door. It was kind of idiotic to be so shy about it, but he was, and it was horrible and at the same time so good. Iwaizumi actually opened the door, and looked surprise. "Oikawa?"

"Iwa-chan."

"Where--"

"I was with Makki. I'm sorry. I should have text you but I--" he looked at Iwaizumi, and wondered if maybe he should tell him. "I wanted to tell you something and--"

"Wait" Iwaizumi said, opening the door for Oikawa to come inside, "let me put something on, I was waiting for you at your house before and" he looked at his cellphone for a sec, and then smiled just a little. "We still have time. Just give me a second, okay? I have something to show you outside just, wait yeah?"

Oikawa nodded, and stepped inside. The house smelled like coffee and cookies, and he felt like home. He walked into the living room, expecting to see Iwa-chan's parents but they weren't there. How strange.

"Okay, let's go" Iwaizumi said opening the front door once again, waiting now for Oikawa to come. He was wearing a beanie and a coat, his back bag on, and Oikawa thought he looked cute.

"Where's your mom?" he asked instead of saying anything weird.

"Why the hell you asking for my mom?" Iwaizumi asked back, "Creepy."

"I was going to ask for your dad just after, I swear!" Oikawa whined.

"They went to my grandma's house a week earlier. I told you I was going next week, didn't I? Do you ever listen to me?" He asked, but not really asking probably because he knows Oikawa would say something stupid to defend himself. "Let's go."

"Where are we going, Iwa-chan" he said, not really asking because he knew his friend wasn't going to tell him even if he insisted. They just walk out of the house and kept walking.

They walked for what seemed to be ages, and Oikawa started to whine about how much they were walking, about how tired he actually was, about the weather being bad, and about how silent Iwaizumi actually was. Iwaizumi stayed silent, glaring at him by times, and clicking his tongue as well because it was annoying. Oikawa knew that, but he couldn't help it--he was about to confess, and instead of doing so, he was walking to some place and it was--

"Wait, are we--" Oikawa started, and Iwaizumi clicked his tongue again.

"Took you long enough to figure, right?"

They were now in front of Kitagawa Daiichi, their previous school. "Why are--"

"The rooftop is awesome, and I want to show you something."

"How are we going to--are you planning to break in? Iwa-chan, how rebel of you..."

"I still have the keys of the school" Iwaizumi simply said and he opened the door. It was dark, and Oikawa wasn't going to admit he was still afraid of walking in dark places. "Are you scared? Here, I have my cellphone if you want light or something."

"I'm not scared, I just don't like not seeing where I'm walking. What if there are some gross cockroaches or--"

Iwaizumi just took his hand and they walked in the school. His hand was hot, and Oikawa's hand was probably freezing and sweating of nervousness but he didn't care. Iwaizumi Hajime was holding his hand, and that was more romantic than all the movies he saw with Makki earlier. 

Once on the rooftop, Iwaizumi let go of his hand, and Oikawa wished he didn't feel a little sad about it. He started unpacking his bag, and Oikawa sat on the floor, staring at Iwaizumi's movement, at how cute he seemed while putting a blanket on the floor, brows furrowed. He then threw at him another blanket. One with an alien design all over it, actually. "What is this?"

"Can't you shut it for another minute, Assikawa?"

"Did you buy it for me?"

"What--why do you care about a stupid blanket?"

"Oh. My. God. You bought a blanket for me? And--wait, it glows in the dark?!" He exclaimed, a wide grin in his face because yes, the blanket was really glowing a pale shade of green, and that was enough to make him the happiest person alive. "You brought me up here to give me this gift? Iwa-chan~" he grinned, holding the blanket against his torso.

"Whatever, I just bought it because I didn't want you to whine about the weather up here" Iwaizumi said, taking his beanie off and sitting now on the blanket he put on the floor before. 

"Iwa-chan is so cute when he acts all tsundere~" Oikawa started, and was about to say something else when he noticed Iwaizumi's ears. It was kind of dark, so maybe he was seeing things. Maybe this was serious, after all. Oikawa decided not to tease him anymore, just because. "You want to share my pretty blanket?"

"No."

"I'm sure you do" he said, sitting next to him, and wrapping both of them with it. "Someone important actually gave it to me, you know?"

"Oikawa, I'm the one who gave it to you why do you--"

"Come on, Iwa-chan. Just follow my lead, yeah?" And Iwaizumi clicked his tongue. "So, someone important gave it to me, you know?"

"Is that so" Iwaizumi said simply.

_What a boring reaction_. But instead, he says "I wonder if it's his way of telling me something~"

Oikawa looked at him, but Iwaizumi was now staring at his cellphone. He sighed. "Did you brought me here so you could have a better signal?"

"What?"

"You've being looking at your phone since we left your house. It's annoying."

"The hell is that about?" Iwaizumi frowned, now looking at Oikawa.

"Never mind."

"You've being acting weird since weeks ago, Oikawa. Can you chill for a moment?"

"I'm good. I'm perfectly fine, Iwa-chan, I don't--"

"It should started in ten seconds, just shut up until then."

"What? How--you're horrible, Hajime."

"Don't--"

"Don't what? Call you by your first name, Ha-ji-me? Why not? Because we grew up, I'm not supposed to call you by your first name? Because it was so weird for you to keep calling me Tooru?"

"What the--"

"Anyway, s'not like I actually care or anything."

And just as he said that, Iwaizumi said a small 'there they are' and looked up at he sky, ignoring Oikawa. The latter was about to snapped when he noticed what Iwaizumi was staring at, and stayed silent, jaw dropped. "What is--" he mumbled, because it really was beautiful.

Oikawa forgot there was going to be a meteor shower. He forgot the date it was supposed to happen, and he thought he wouldn't be able to see it. He forgot he never saw one before, and he certainly forgot he once told his best friend how much he wanted to see it. The sky was shining with probably hundreds of shooting stars, and Oikawa was making silently a single wish, hoping one of those star would hear him out. "It's pretty..." is the only thing he could say.

"You talked about those a lot last year."

"I'm sorry for shouting before."

"S'okay."

"No it's not you--" He was about to cry.  _Fuck_.

Iwaizumi's was now resting his arm around Oikawa's shoulders. "You're fucking freezing, are you okay?" he asked.

Of course he wasn't. But being like this with his best friend was all he wanted. He then remembered a scene in a manga he had read once, and tried remembering the words the protagonist actually said, because that would totally apply in that exact moment. He remember crying over that manga, and he never told Iwaizumi about it, because he thought back then that if he told him about it, it would be like confessing he was painfully in love with him. He cleared his throat, and Iwaizumi look at him with concern. 

Taking a deep breath he started quoting " _The higher I get my hopes up, the more I'm let down. But I still hope for things, I just can't stop._ "

"That's... deep" Iwaizumi said, looking away for a second, frowning. "Where is it from?"

"It could have being from me, you know?"

Iwaizumi stopped frowning, for a second. "So what is that supposed to mean?"

"Who knows."

"Weren't you the one who made that up? How come you don't know?"

"There's a manga" Oikawa started, and ignored Iwaizumi's questioning eyes, "where the protagonist likes that guy who always scold him for fooling around with geishas and drinking too much. They were close when they were younger, and now they weren't anymore..."

"Is that supposed to be a story about us? Because I thought we were still close, what the--"

"Let me finish, yeah?" Oikawa said, releasing himself of Iwaizumi's arm, and swallowing what was left of saliva in his throat. He was really nervous, wasn't he? "So one day, the protagonist just realized that staying like that, just by that boy's side was enough for him. But somehow, he still got his hopes high, because that was all he could still do and--" he stopped himself, realizing something, and than opened his eyes widely, staring now at Iwaizumi.

"What's with that face?"

"Why did you think I was talking about us?"

"You said they were close when they were young..." Iwaizumi said, one brow raised higher than the other one. "Continue your story, Trash--"

"I also said the protagonist liked the other guy, didn't I?"

"Maybe" Iwaizumi said, frowning, "Probably, but what's the--"

"And you thought about us! Why?"

Iwaizumi was now silent. "Oikawa..."

"And what was this about" he continued, pointing at the sky, ignoring the tears now flowing all over his cheeks. "You remembered something as stupid as me wanting to see a meteor shower, and you even took time to buy that blanket and--"

"It was an early birthday gift" Iwaizumi cut, "I--I won't be here for your birthday because of that family trip, you remember? Your birthday is in a week, and I thought you would like to see this."

Oikawa laughed. Pathetic. He was so pitiful in that moment. He was horribly crying and laughing at the same time, because this couldn't get any more ridiculous, right? He was literally telling Iwaizumi about his feeling, and the other didn't even get it. He felt like that stupid protagonist in that stupid sad manga, he felt sad and lonely but still hoping for something even though it was clearly pointless. And maybe that's what he would have to deal with, right? A life being by Iwaizumi's side, seeing him getting married and not getting anything more than that. He would just love him from afar, simple as that.

Oikawa wiped his tears a little and was about to stand up, when Iwaizumi held his wrist, forcing him to stay. "Iwa-chan I don't--"

"You have snot all over your face, Oikawa" he said taking a tissue from his bag, and wiping his face off.

"Why are you doing that?" Oikawa snapped quietly, because if he said anything louder he would probably started sobbing again. "You could have let me go. Just... let me go, I'm tired for today, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi leaned forward, brushing Oikawa's cheek with his thumb. "If you have snot all over your face, I'll be too disgusted to kiss you, dumbass."

"What--" But Iwaizumi's lips were now on his, and Oikawa wasn't sure of how to keep breathing. It was soft, way too soft for someone like Iwaizumi. It was also warm, and Oikawa knew his own were probably cold, because that actually summed up their relationship, right? The two of them being always so different, but still completing the other one. One always filling what the other was lacking. The two of them always so in sync, and able to read the other when it mattered.

And Oikawa was, for once, happy to have fell for his childhood friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING, I'm glad for the kudos and bookmarks and comments, it's really sweet. I think it's the first happy chapter for Oikawa, aha I hope you guys liked it?
> 
> I'll try updating this week again, because this is far from the end I'm planning ^^


	7. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's update 2/3 for this week. THANK YOU FOR READING, it makes my whole day to see the kudos and stuffs, really :)
> 
> Now, about this chapter... I'm probably a sadist, because I SWEAR I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY, but yeah. STILL, I hope you'll like this update as well xoxo

Hanamaki : Toooooru-chan   
Hanamaki : It's almost midnight and u call.... u insane???  
Hanamaki : you should pick your phone up when I call back, tchk !  
Hanamaki : Just kidding but really what's up?!??

Oikawa : Can I stay at your home for our week off?

Hanamaki : ??? why don't you stay at Iwa-chan house~~~

Oikawa : he's going to his grandma for the whole week...  
Oikawa : and....  
Oikawa : he's avoiding me...

Hanamaki : Why the fck would he do that? 

Oikawa : guess because we kissed and he probably regrets....

 

Oikawa's cellphone started ringing right after that last message, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it right now. 

It's being a whole week. A whole week since Iwaizumi kissed him, and since then it's like he tried to avoid staying alone with Oikawa as much as possible. They didn't even practice together once, and Iwaizumi decided to stay later everyday of that week, so Oikawa ended up walking home alone.

Oikawa picked up his phone, because he knew Makki would call him all night long if it was necessary. "Makki-chan..."

"He kissed you and you didn't say a thing!" Makki said on the other line, shocked. 

"Because there was no point on talking about it..." Oikawa said, turning off the light, and going under his new glowing blanket, seeking for warmth.

"What do you mean, no point?"

"It's... complicated."

"How? Oikawa..." Hanamaki sighed, "what happened exactly?"

"We saw a meteor shower. It was my birthday present..."

"Awwwn" Hanamaki chuckled, "That's cute, I guess. For Iwaizumi-san, I mean."

"He even gave me an alien blanket, which glows in the dark" Oikawa said, trying not to smile at the thought.

"That's..." Silence. "That's so nerd."

"It's not."

"It is, indeed."

"Shut up."

"Sorry" Hanamaki chuckled, "So... you guys kissed after that?"

"No. We... well I snapped, and cried. A lot. And then he wiped off my face, and then he kissed me."

"Nice move. True that you snot when you cry, would have being fucking gross if he didn't."

"...I'm going to hang up if you--"

"Sorry, sorry. So, why would he avoid you?"

"Because just after we kissed... I asked him why he kissed me. I wanted to hear him say something like ' _Because I've being in love with you since we're kids but I was too shy and stubborn to tell you, Tooru_ ' or something like that and instead he..." Oikawa closed his eyes, because just to think about it was giving him a headache. "He said ' _You were crying. I thought it would make you happy after your confession_ '... Like, what the hell? Not even because he wanted or anything. Because I was fucking crying. Then we went back home, and we didn't talk or anything on the road. He said good night, and that was all."

Hanamaki was silent for a moment, and then coughed. "That's really..."

"Don't say it."

"But he does. Love you, I mean."

"He clearly doesn't."

"I swear. He told us."

"Us?"

"Yes. I mean he told us because..."

"Because what?"

"If I tell you... Mattsun will kill me."

"Tell me!!!"

"Okay, okay. So we were all playing truth or dare at Kunimi's basement like months ago. Kindaichi, Kunimi, Iwaizumi, Mattsun, Yahaba, Watari, Kyoutani, Motomu, Heisuke, Kaneo and... well, everybody was there except you. It was one of those day when one of your girls was picking you up, remember?"

"Kinda" he said, a little upset for being left out.

"So well, it was truth or dare. And we were a little tipsy--Kunimi's parents are kind of, amazingly cool and easy going. So yeah, we were playing truth or dare. And Iwaizumi picked truth. And we asked him who he would date on the team. And he said..."

Silence. "WHAT DID HE SAY?!" Oikawa snapped after a while.

"Guess who?"

"Just tell me, dammit!"

"It's the suspense, Oikawa. You have to guess, for the suspense!"

"I'm hanging up."

"You're no fun" Hanamaki said, and he was probably pouting. "He said ' _If I wasn't kind of in love with that pretencious dumbass, I'd date Kindaichi_ ' or something like that. He kept complimenting Kindaichi after that but... anyhow. You got my point right."

"So... he would date Kindaichi?!"

" _IF_  he wasn't in love with you!"

"How can Kindaichi be that much his type?" Oikawa asked, not jealous at all.

"Because he's tall. Iwaizumi likes tall boys with pretty legs. And he's younger. Plus, have you ever seen Kindaichi smiling?"

"...I don't really care."

"When Kindaichi smiles, it's really cute. His eyes even close. It really is cute."

"I thought Matsukawa was your boyfriend, not Kindaichi."

"Iwaizumi's the one who said that, it doesn't come from me, actually."

"Oh my God, are you kidding me?!" Oikawa snapped

"Don't get mad, but they also kissed once" Hanamaki chuckled. He was definitely having to much fun with this.

"He told me. You  and your boyfriend pushed him to do so, or something."

"Hm. Well. Mattsun told him to kiss Kindaichi on the cheek, but they ended up... BUT, for his defence, he was quite drunk, and he was sad because you weren't there so that was why he spent so much time with Yuutarou-kun"

"This is probably the worst news I could have get today. Thank you very much. I definitely feel like shit now."

"Oikawa..."

"I shouldn't have picked up when you called."

"Come on..."

"I swear I--" 

"Oikawa" Hanamaki said louder, and now serious. "I'm sorry I've being teasing you since the start of our convo. But really. Iwaizumi loves you. He told us that day. And he also told Kindaichi he couldn't return his feelings--because yes, Yuutarou-kun confessed to him--because he had feelings for his childhood friend. And you're his only childhood friend,let's be honest."

Oikawa's heart was beating faster inside his cage. "Then... why aren't we already dating?"

"Don't ask  _me_ , ask  _him_. S'not like he won't answer."

"Well... he might not answer, actually. And say something dumb."

"Iwaizumi never says anything dumb."

"Well he may be rude."

"Yeah, that's possible."

"Anyway" Oikawa said with a yawn, "I have to sleep. Night, Makki."

"Nighty night, Too-chan~"

"I already told you--"

"Not listening~" Hanamaki said, hanging up.

Oikawa smiled, putting his phone aside, hoping the next week would pass faster than the previous.

 

*

 

Iwaizumi was coming back in two days. Not that Oikawa was counting the days, but yeah, he was.

They didn't talk since what seemed like years, and Iwaizumi didn't even said goodbye to Oikawa before leaving. The latter tried not to think about it, but ended up staying up late every night and not sleeping well because of overthinking that whole situation. And today was no exception to that.

His cellphone beeped, and Oikawa almost jumped of surprise. It was two in the morning, and he was in Makki's room, Makki sleeping next to him. He put his phone on silent, hopping Hanamaki wouldn't wake up because of him. He sighed before opening the message.

 

Iwaizumi : Oikawa.

Oikawa: Iwa-chan. Wow, what an honour.

Iwaizumi : ??

Oikawa : You hadn't talkd 2 me since what... 2 weeks? Right now feels special~

Iwaizumi : Is that sarcasm?

Oikawa : I don't know. Is it?

Iwaizumi : I'm sorry.

Oikawa : Okay.

Iwaizumi : I thought about it.   
Iwaizumi : The whole thing, you know.

Oikawa : No, I don't. Enlighten me.

Iwaizumi : You having feelings for me, and I having a thing for you.

Oikawa : Oh so you do have a thing for me. You didnt just kiss me bcs I was pitiful and crying and you wanted to make me happy.  
Oikawa : I see.  
Oikawa : Thanks for telling me that, Iwa-chan.

Iwaizumi : Oikawa...

Oikawa : Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi : Not Iwa-chan?

Oikawa : I'm mad, so it's gonna be Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi : Fair enough.  
Iwaizumi : So I own you explanations.  
Iwaizumi : I come back in two days... Can we talk then?

Oikawa : If you're not going to ask me out, I don't want to talk to you.

Iwaizumi : ??? ask you out?

Oikawa : You know  
Oikawa : Boyfriend thing.  
Oikawa :  _Oikawa-Tooru-would-you-be-my-boyfriend_  kind of thing.

Iwaizumi : Like hell.

Oikawa : Thanks.

Iwaizumi : Shit that came out wrong  
Iwaizumi : But we have to talk about stuffs you know...  
Iwaizumi : Before we start anything...

Oikawa : Talk about Kindaichi being your type?

Iwaizumi : Still don't get why you always bring that up

Oikawa : Because I'm supposed to be your type, not him.

Iwaizumi : Wat the  
Iwaizumi : Are you for real ?!!!?  
Iwaizumi : I'm telling you we have to talk before we start going out, and you still think you're not my type??

Oikawa : But I'm not that tall and apparently you like really tall boys.  
Oikawa : You like younger boys too.  
Oikawa : Oh, and you like boys who close their eyes when they smile, right?  
Oikawa : And Kindaichi has all that, with pretty legs as well I guess.

 

Oikawa was about to keep going, but he was receiving a call.  _ **Stupid-Iwachan**_  appeared on the screen. 

"Iwaizumi" Oikawa answered.

"The hell, Assikawa?!"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking."

"Are you seriously that jealous over something that idiotic?"

"You kissing Kindaichi isn't idiotic at all, to me."

"Oh my God, come on."

"Plus, you said you'd date him, and not me."

"Who told you that? Matsukawa? Impossible, it probably is Hanamaki, huh?"

"Who cares."

"So it is him" Iwaizumi said, clicking his tongue.

"It doesn't really matter right? Those are the facts. You do like Kindaichi. But because I'm in the way you--"

"Oikawa, I like you. You. Are you that fucking stupid?"

"You have no right to insult me after you--"

"I really do. Like you, I mean." 

Oikawa stayed silent. Ignoring his beating heart, about to explode. 

"I should probably say I love you, but I wanted to be face to face with you when I told you."

"Iwa-chan..."

"I thought it was Iwaizumi for today."

"Iwaizumi" Oikawa corrected himself, because he was still mad. "I'm sure you're just messing up with me again."

"Again?"

"Yes! When we kissed, you were just--"

"True. I messed up, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I should have told you I--" Iwaizumi stopped, and sighed. "Should have told you that I love you" he ended up saying in almost a whisper.

"I didn't hear that well. Come again" Oikawa asked, because he needed to hear it again, and again and--

"I. Love. You. StupidKawa. And you're my type, just so you know" Iwaizumi was shy, probably blushing--Oikawa could tell by the tone of his voice, by the way he was speaking way too slowly.

"How come I'm your type?" he still asked, because Oikawa wanted to hear him saying it.

"Oikawa..."

"Iwaizumi."

And there was a loud sigh. Oikawa closed his eyes, waiting for Iwaizumi to hang up, because that was what always ended up happening every time he was acting like a spoiled brat. 

"You're tall. And you have beautiful eyes, and I've known you since forever, and I like walking home with you and doing nothing at your place. I also like when you try cooking for me, because it always tastes horrible" he chuckled, "but I still pretend it's okay because you actually made it for me."

Oikawa stayed silent, trying hard not to grin, trying to still be upset, but failing. "I see. That's all?"

"I also like it when you smile. Not the smile you give to everyone, but the one when you truly are happy. The one you gave me after we kissed, the one you have when you watch Area 51 in my room, the same one you get when you see your nephew, or when you see my family. I also like it when you wear my clothes because mine are more comfortable than yours. And I like it when you cling to me, even though I pretend to be annoyed. I just, I really like you, Oikawa and--"

"Iwa-chan, you're so cheesy~" Oikawa whispered, teasing but still a little short breath. "Who in this world confess like that? Aren't you embarrassed?"

"I'm gonna hang up."

"No!" Oikawa said, "Sorry, sorry, sorry. I just... Thank you."

"Thank you?"

"Yeah."

"I just said all that, and you're just gonna say thanks?" Iwaizumi chuckled, "You're such a brat, sometimes."

"You still love me~"

"f'course I do."

Oikawa felt his cheeks hot. His cheeks, and his whole body, actually. "Not fair."

"You were asking for it."

"I love you, Iwa-chan."

"I know. Me too."

"You ignored me for almost two weeks. It was horrible, you know?"

"I'm sorry."

"I missed you."

"I'm sorry. I missed you too, if it's of any consolation."

"You've being selfish."

"You always are."

"Not true" Oikawa said, but he knew it was. "But well. I gotta sleep, tomorrow's gonna be a long day. Sleep well, Iwa-chan."

"Oikawa" Iwaizumi said, and Oikawa could hear the hesitation in his voice. "We still have to talk about something."

"Okay" Oikawa said. "Do I have to worry about it?"

Iwaizumi hesitated. "Not really."

"Okay."

"Okay..."

"Goodnight Iwa-chan. I love you." And Oikawa hanged up quickly after, because if Iwaizumi did, it would have being like losing to him. Losing to him about what, OIkawa wasnt exactly sure.

"Yout two are so fucking gross" Hanamaki growled, scaring Oikawa. He completely forgot he was there. "I didnt know you were that insecure, Tooru-chan."

"Go back to sleep, Makki."

"I love you too, Tooru. And I also love your smile, and when you wear my pyjamas, and--"

Oikawa threw a pillow at him, and Hanamaki burst in laughter. 

 

*

 

Two days after that, Oikawa waited for Iwaizumi to come back home. He helped the family unpacking the car, caring the suitcases inside the house. Iwa-chan's mom thanked him at least 10 times, and Oikawa reassured her, saying tones of ' _It's a pleasure, don't worry_ '. He ended up spending the afternoon at their house, hearing stories about the trip, while eating agedashi tofu and green tea.

After a while, Iwaizumi excused themselves, and asked Oikawa to go upstair. 

"I'm glad you're back" Oikawa said, closing Iwa-chan's door behind him, before hugging Iwaizumi from behind, his hands now inside his shirt making the boy tense up. "You know" he said, kissing Iwaizumi's neck, "I kind of missed you."

"Is that so" Iwaizumi whispered, and Oikawa felt Iwaizumi's skin shiver under his touch.

"You smell good" Oikawa whispered in his ear, "you smell like summer. And mint."

"Oikawa" Iwaizumi whispered, out of breath.

"Hm?" Oikawa said, his hand playing with the edge of his underwear.

"Stop the teasing, I--" he started, turning around. He was now facing Oikawa, his cheeks flushed, his hands holding Oikawa's waist... and he was painfully cute. "We have to talk, remember?"

"Can't we talk after?" Oikawa asked, his fingers trying to undo Iwaizumi's pants.

"No" Iwaizumi said, pushing him and sitting on his bed.

"You're no fun" Oikawa said with a sigh. He sat beside his best friend, and decided to lay down and maybe take a nap there.

"Don't you dare fall asleep."

"Then talk."

"It's about college."

"About Tokyo?" Oikawa asked, curious. They both applied for Tokyo's University  a while back, and they already received the responses. They both were going, and Oikawa's mom even found an apartment they were going to share. A pretty sweet life was already waiting for them.

"Well..." Iwaizumi started. "I'm not going."

"Come again" Oikawa said, hoping he didn't hear well.

"I--I applied to that other college, which is better for what I'm gonna study and--"

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Oikawa snapped, glaring at Iwaizumi.

"Because I wasn't sure if I was accepted!"

"Of course you would be. You're fucking smart, dammit. There's no way they would refuse you. Where is it?"

"Kyoto" he whispered, not looking at Oikawa.

"What?"

"University of Kyoto" he said louder.

"Are you fucking kidding me..." Oikawa said, and he felt the tears about to fall. He felt completely defeated. "Why... is that why you...Is that why you didn't want to tell me you liked me? Because you knew we were going to take separate ways?"

"Don't say it like that, Oikawa..."

"But that's what it is, right? We're both going away. You told me you loved me, and now you're telling me we won't be at the same Uni. So this was your plan? Leaving me after graduation?"

"Is that really what you think?"

"I don't know, you tell me, Hajime!" Oikawa snapped.

"I'm just thinking about my future, Oikawa. I didn't meant to--"

"You didn't meant what? To tell me you loved me? You didn't meant to give me stupid high hopes? You didn't meant what exactly?!"

"You're being selfish..."

"Of course I am. That's who I am, right? Selfish, pompous, pretentious king who cares for no one else than himself."

"You're talking nonsense" Iwaizumi frowned.

"You know I'm right. And that's why you didn't say shit about this before today. You knew I would disagree, you knew I'd be mad, you knew I'd try to make you follow me. You knew it, didn't you?" Oikawa asked, and Iwaizumi stayed silent. "Of course you knew."

He sighed, and stood up. "I'm going home."

"Oikawa, no just--"

"No, really. I'll go home. We'll talk about this tomorrow, I just--" he said, and shook his head. "See you tomorrow, Iwa-chan." And then he left, ignoring Iwaizumi's pleading eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	8. The fire and the flood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not against happy endings or happy fics, I swear. It's just, somehow I feel like when you're 17, you can't have it all. You can't always be happy and surrounded by rainbows, because life isn't like that. Life is a gamble, where you put your bet on what you think is best, even though you can never be sure your choice was the best one.
> 
> What I mean is, I'm trying to be realistic with this fic--about best friends being in love, about someone pinning on the other for so fucking long, about both going separate ways, and about long-distance relationships. I may not be the best writer, but since that extra chapter about Seijou, I felt like writing something about it and... yeah, that's what's coming out of it.
> 
> I'm really grateful if you're actually reading this fic, you're amazing :) THANK YOU, hope you will still like this update? aha xo

A week after that, Oikawa avoided staying alone with Iwaizumi. He made sure to go to school early in the morning, so he wouldn't have to deal with an horrible silent walk. Each break, he made sure to go outside and to put his headphones on, listening to music at an insane high volume--sad and american music one of his ex girlfriend introduced him to--so that way, even if Iwaizumi came outside he wouldn't have to deal with the pain of hearing his voice calling his name. As for volleyball practice, he just teamed up with Kunimi. 

"What does people watch or listen to when they're heartbroken, Kunimi-kun?" Oikawa asked, tossing to Kunimi.

"Who knows" Kunimi said flatly, his hand spiking hard the ball. "You should ask Iwaizumi-san about that."

"I can't ask him that and you know it" Oikawa whined, but it was pointless: Kunimi was merciless with him. Well, it wasnt with no reason, to be honest. Kunimi seemed to think Oikawa was wrong, and he wasn't scare of scolding him or telling him he wasn't right. And maybe because Kunimi was that honest, Oikawa liked being with him. And, unlike Hanamaki and Matsukawa, he wasn't forcing Oikawa to apologize or anything.

"But" Kunimi said, "there was a time where I--where listening to sad Drama CD was cool, for me."

"How could someone break your heart" Oikawa said, one hand over his mouth.

"If you keep teasing I won't team up with you again."

"So mean, I wasn't teasing, Kunimi" Oikawa said with a pout, but stopped it right after noticing Kunimi's glare pointed at him, "it was serious. I can't see anyone who would--"

"Kindaichi has a crush on Iwaizumi-san since junior high."

And that was that. Oikawa wanted to apologize, or at least say something comforting, but it probably was pointless--Kunimi didn't seem like he was willing to talk about it. "Well. You should lend 'em to me. Those Drama CD, I mean."

"Sure."

 

*

 

Iwaizumi : Oi, are you going to ignore me for the rest of your life?  
Iwaizumi : You know, we just have this last year together  
Iwaizumi : Don't be that that selfish...  
Iwaizumi : OI KA WA !

 

*

 

 _Imagase: "Why are you meeting with Natsuki-senpai after all this time?"_  
_Kyouichi: "I told you it was an accident!"_  
_Imagase: "Don't push me too far .. ! When it concerns you, my jealousy is multiplied by 1000 times!"_

 

Tooru's parent went to Tokyo, to visit their daughter and her son. If it wasn't because of his nasty mood, because of exams and because of their next games, Oikawa would have agreed to go as well. Instead, he stayed in their house, with the intention of studying all night long. Instead, there he was, doing absolutely nothing. Well, not exactly  _nothing_. He decided to clean the entire house, to be more specific. He needed to get homework done, but it was useless right now, wasn't it? Even if he wanted to actually be productive, he was clearly going to think about Iwaizumi, and then he would be in a worse mood. So cleaning the house instead was a better idea

 

 _K: "Well, you're getting along with your ex-boyfriend, aren't you?"_  
_I: "This is the first time he's contacted me in years, and we just had dinner."_  
_K: "There's no need for excuses. People don't meet with ex-lovers without ulterior motives. But it really has nothing to do with me."_  
_I: "I'm not interessed in any man but you."_  
_K: "Don't brush it off with a line like that... !"_

 

Well...He was cleaning the house AND listening to one of Kunimi's CD. Oikawa sighed, because he was actually a little--just a little, really--concerned about that stupid storyline. 

 

 _I: You wanted me to say it, though._  
_*someone--probably Imagase--pushes someone against the wall--or something similar, but Oikawa opted for the wall."_  
_I: I only have feelings for you. In my heart, and body._  
_*someone--Oikawa bets it's Imagase--kisses the other one*_

 

Maybe not that stupid as a storyline, since Oikawa was now eating ice cream while listening to the CD. "Iwa-chan should be like Imagase-chan" he whispered for himself, before clicking his tongue.

Oikawa turned on his laptop, the CD still in the background--he wasn't totally paying attention to it, but at least he was feeling less lonely that way--and opened a new tab on his navigator. "Which UNI did he say he's going?"

Kyoto. University of Kyoto. Oikawa knew he overreacted. He didn't meant to yell, but he still did. Who could think Oikawa made a fuss out of it, and Iwaizumi didn't even snap back. He also didn't mean to say some selfish things, but he ended up saying them--he's always being selfish when it came to volleyball, but he was even more when it came to Iwaizumi. He always wanted to have it all, because that's who he is--he's ambitious, he dreams big, he always wishes for more than what he had, and probably more than what he deserves. When he was a kid, he wanted to play volleyball, and be the best, dragging his best friend with him. He hit a wall multiple times, but each time he surpassed them to grow even more. And every single time he was about to give up, Hajime was there. He was there, and Oikawa never thought there could possibly be a time where he wouldn't be there anymore.

"Maybe it's not impossible" Oikawa said to himself, looking at the distance between their two universities. "It's just.. 3 hours and 25 minutes. Not impossible."

 

 _I: I feel bad... because we're from two different worlds._  
_K: There's someone else who can take care of you... so what do you want with me?..._

 

"Why do you accept all that crap he puts you into, Imagase-kun?" Oikawa asked to the CD player over his desk.

 

_K: Imagase... I'm sorry. I'm only making you suffer. Now and in the past. I've treated you badly, I'd better stop now._

 

"Oi! How dare you, Kyouichi-kun?! Are you an idiot?! After all you did to him, you dare saying that?!" Oikawa yelled, frowning, taking the last bit of ice cream left, swallowing his own sadness with it.

The bell rang downstair, and Oikawa growled. It was a rainy day, so whoever it was would probably expect of him to offer a cup of tea or an  umbrella, and Oikawa wasn't in the mood to deal with nosy neighbours who wanted to know why everyone left him on his own. He remembers last year, when Ando-san came to ask his family why they let Oikawa go to Tokyo on his own, since he was so young. Annoying.

Oikawa opened the door, and before he could say anything, Iwaizumi stepped inside and embraced him. "Iwa--"

"Shut up."

"You're the one coming to my house. You have no right to--" Oikawa said but his voice cracked. 

"Don't cry, Oikawa" Iwaizumi whispered, hugging the boy tighter.

"I'm not!" Oikawa said and coughed a little, his hands on Iwaizumi's waist. How much time has it being since he last held Iwaizumi like that? "You're all soak" Oikawa said, slipping his hands under Iwaizumi's shirt, seeking for warmth. "You'll be sick if you go outside like that, don't you know that?"

"Then close the door and let me in?" Iwaizumi said.

"Aren't you already in?" Oikawa asked.

"I mean" Iwaizumi said, clicking his tongue, "I want you to tell me to come in."

Oikawa took one step back, releasing himself from Iwaizumi's grip. "Iwa-chan, you're so weird~" Iwaizumi clicked his tongue at that and closed the door behind him, taking off his shoes. "What are you doing here?"

"I noticed your parents were gone without you."

"Are you stalking me, Iwa-chan?"

"Well, if you actually took the time to answer my messages, and stopped avoiding me like I had leprosy, I wouldn't have to."

"I wasn't--"

"Don't."

They stayed like that, in front of the entrance, Iwaizumi soaked and Oikawa in his pyjamas. Iwaizumi was staring at Oikawa, like he was waiting for something from him, but nothing was coming.  Oikawa was avoiding this, avoiding being with him, avoiding having to talk to him because he knew the moment he would be in front of him, he would loose the little composure he had left in himself. "Iwa-chan I--"

"The hell is going on upstair?"

"What do you--?" but Oikawa froze. He forgot there was a CD playing upstair, and he forgot there was some scenes where the two protagonist were fucking. "Oh. It's one of Kunimi's Drama CD. Did you know he owned an amazing collection of Yaoi stuffs. Guess he's kinky~"

"Whatever" Iwaizumi said, making his way to the kitchen, cheeks flushed--but it was probably the rain. "Since you won't offer, I'll make some tea. Do you want some?"

"Whatever~" Oikawa answered back, making his way upstair, because staying away from Iwaizumi right now was in his priorities.

Once in his room, he stopped the CD and made sure to close the tab he opened just before. Iwaizumi probably knew he would search about his university, but he still didn't want to admit he was looking for solutions.  _I should be more honest with myself,_  Oikawa thought, laying down on his bed, covering his face with a pillow.

"Oi, Assikawa. I'll borrowed clothes, otherwise I'll definitely be sick."

"You should catch a cold."

"Shut up." Iwaizumi was opening his closet, and he was taking his clothes off--not that Oikawa was looking, but he could definitely hear the sound of clothes dropping on the floor, and clothes being put on. Oikawa chased away the thoughts of Iwaizumi wearing his clothes, because this wasn't the time for that.

"Mean. You're not supposed to be mean with me?"

"Why not?"

"Because you're leaving me."

Silence. Oikawa felt a weight beside him, but he still didn't want to face his friend. He could feel Iwaizumi's warmth near him, and it felt good. It felt more than good, it felt amazing. He wanted to stay under that pillow for the rest of the night, Iwaizumi by his side. "I'm sorry."

"You should be."

"I know."

Oikawa took off the pillow and looked at Iwaizumi, who was looking at him, his face centimetres away from his own. "You shouldn't be sorry, Iwa-chan" he said, swallowing hard, his voice trembling a little--but he could blame the weather outside, or the cold of his own room. "It's your future. Those stuffs are more important than... anything, right?"

"But I should have told you."

"You knew I would have done everything to make you come with me."

"Maybe I should have--"

"Iwa-chan" Oikawa cut him, pulling the edge of Iwaizumi's shirt--his own shirt, a black one which didn't suited him at all so he never actually wore it but on Iwaizumi it just looked great. "I love you, you know?"

Iwaizumi was about to say something but Oikawa put a finger on his lips. "Let me finish, yeah?" Iwaizumi nodded, so Oikawa continue. "I never thought it would actually hurt that much to love someone. Because it hurt me so much. But then, you kissed me, and finally said you love me and I was so, so happy. 'I'm so happy, nothing will ever get on our way', that's what I thought. But--" Iwaizumi had a hand on his hair, playing with his soft chocolate curls, making Oikawa shiver. "But we'll be far away one from the other. If I had told you before, if I had admitted to you my feelings--maybe, maybe we could have being together a little more and--"

"Are you breaking up with me before we even get together, Trashykawa?"

"I'm not--It's not a breakup but--"

"But what?" Iwaizumi asked, frowning.

"You'll go away, and maybe you'll find someone better than me, and it scares me because I know I'll never find anyone better than you" Oikawa said, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding in the first place. 

"Is that really what you think of my feelings for you?"

Oikawa's beating heart was probably the only sound that could've being heard.

"Oikawa... I realized I was in love with you after I broke up with my first and only girlfriend. If it wasn't because of her, I probably wouldn't have realized it."

"How romantic" Oikawa said flatly.

"The point is, I never thought there would be a time where we wouldn't be together. I always imagined myself with you. I saw myself happy, graduating, marrying to someone. But to me, it was a given that you would be there. Always. I just-- what I mean is, going away from you is painful for me, stop thinking I'm okay with that, because I'm not."

"But--"

"And I won't be looking for someone else when I have my best friend as a lover, who are you kidding, Oikawa?"

Iwaizumi's thumb was wiping away tears from Oikawa's cheeks. Oikawa buried his head on Iwaizumi's chest, crying for the 1000th time. "You make me cry every time, Iwa-chan. You know I'm ugly when I do."

"I find you cute when you cry" Iwaizumi said, and they both laughed about it. Just a little.

"Look what you've done to me, Hajime. I'm a mess because of you." Iwaizumi's hands were on Oikawa's back, and the latter one's where once again under his shirt, seeking for more than warmth. "I don't want to let you go, ever." He was probably seeking for something he knew was unreachable.

"We have the rest of this year" Iwaizumi whispered, kissing Oikawa's forehead. "And we can always travel when we have holidays, and--"

"Not long enough, Iwa-chan."

"But every time will be special" Iwaizumi said.

Oikawa lifted his head, to look at him. "Are you really up to do that with me?" Iwaizumi nodded, kissing him. It was soft, and warm, and Oikawa felt his whole body shiver. And how scary, Oikawa thought. How scary to be bound to someone else that much. How scary to actually care for someone, to be about to give everything to that person, without a clue of what could happen next. "The things you do, the things you say" he whispered, unsure of his own words. Because more than anything, he was scared of his own feelings for his best friend, and scared of a future where the two of them could grow totally apart. "I'm afraid of you..." he whispered weakly.  

"And I'm afraid of you too" Iwaizumi said quietly. "But I want to be with you, and I want to kiss you, and I want to spend as much years as I can by your side. So if being constantly afraid is the price for having all that, I'm fine with that" and he leaned forward for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was short, but heeey !  
> FEEDBACKS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME :) have a lovely day/night/whatevs.


	9. To build a home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello, update here ~
> 
> So, just so you won't be lost, this chapter takes place at the end of their last year at Seijou.
> 
> BTW, I DO NOT WRITE SMUT. So this was just a crappy description, because that's something I just never, EVER write about. I'm sorry for those who expected something ... more than this HAHA. But hm. Well, I'm so bad a describing stuff and situation, just hope it still makes some sense.
> 
> Now, now. HOPE YOU WILL (still?) ENJOY THIS :)

"Mattsun, you're going to fall! Makki, talk some sense to him!" Oikawa whined.

"Iwaizumi-san, what do  _you_  think?" Makki asked with a smirk.

"Of course he thinks he should get down from that stupid tree!" Oikawa said, looking at Iwaizumi, waiting for him to support his saying.

"I think we should all climb that tree up" Iwaizumi said, easily climbing up the old Cherry blossom, hands gripping firmly the aging wood, doing it so smoothly and Oikawa knew Iwaizumi never actually listened to him when he asked him not to do something, and that day wasn't an exception.

The four graduated boys were spending their last week all together in Iwaizumi's place--his parents were visiting all the family, four hours away from town, and Iwaizumi asked if he could spent his last week with all of his friend instead of traveling to see his grandparents, uncles and little cousins. His mother understood his reasons, not even asking Iwaizumi why he preferred staying a little bit more there instead of following them. To be honest, the entire Iwaizumi family probably knew the reason why Iwaizumi Hajime was staying at Miyagi was a pretty boy with soft hair and a smile brighter than the stars named Oikawa Tooru.

They were now sat on the highest (and, in Oikawa's opinion, the weakest) tree branch, both Iwaizumi and Matsukawa. They seemed so pleased to scare Oikawa that much, Hanamaki couldn't help his own laugh. "I never climbed a tree before, how you do that?" he asked, still giggling.

"Are you insane?!" Oikawa yelled, holding on tightly Hanamaki's upper arm, eyes widening by the second. "Don't you dare follow those two stupids, Makki. Don't you dare leaving me here on my own!"

"Oi-ka-wa~" Matsukawa said slowly and teasingly from up there, and Oikawa heard Iwaizumi's laugh. It wasn't the usual chuckle, it was a genuine, small laugh, the one he only heard a couple of times, when he really was enjoying his time. Oikawa looked up the tree, his eyes sticked to Iwaizumi's mid-closed eyes, smiling like a kid. Oikawa ignored the way his heart started pounding faster inside his cage, and pretend he didn't feel his blood running up to his cheeks, making him feel like he was burning from inside, neither the butterflies in his belly. "Come and join us, Oikawa-san~"

"I don't--Makki, no!" Oikawa said but Hanamaki was already climbing up the tree. "Traitor" he said, and the three boys were laughing. It wasn't a mocking laugh, Oikawa knew, but it still bothered him to be left on his own.

Oikawa liked having full control of situation, and hated to be caught unguard. He never really enjoyed feeling like an outsider, and for that reason he was always surrounded by lots of people--mostly girl, to be honest--who had that idea of him being untouchable and somehow a little too perfect. But there was this thing Oikawa was afraid--or half afraid because he could never totally admit it--and it was that feeling of being left behind, because it was the same as feeling lonely. So even though they're his friends and he knows so much, he still felt left on his own. Plus, Hanamaki deliberately lied to them--he knew how to climb a stupid tree, this wasn't the first time at all.

"Come on, Shittykawa. Stop pouting and come here" Iwaizumi said, now sat and swinging his legs one after another, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

Oikawa glared at him. He really looked the same as the day he met him. He look as cute as back then, and it was bothering Oikawa's mind in that moment. "You know I've never--"

"When we were younger we climb it together, don't lie" Iwaizumi said.

"When they were younger, how cute~" Matsukawa said and Hanamaki chuckled.

"Anyway, I'm thirsty" Oikawa said, hoping he sounded nonchalant. "I'll just go drink some tea. I'll be at mine, Iwa-chan, so when you'll get bored you can--" he stopped himself at the sight of Iwaizumi grabbing the branches one by one with so much ease, jumping down and landing on the grass on his feet. He did it with such grace, Oikawa wanted to hit him, because Iwaizumi shouldn't be that cool. How could he be at ease doing something like that? Oikawa himself wasn't able at all to do so, and it's not like he was that clumsy or whatever. Iwaizumi walked toward him, and Oikawa frowned when the boy turned around, bending his knees and back a little. "What are you doing?"

"Piggyback. Come on--"

"I'm not--Iwa-chan, I'm not a kid I can't--do that."

"You're scared you'll fall, aren't you" Iwaizumi said, and Oikawa knew his best friend was smiling. _So bothersome_. "When we were kids, you told me it scared you to fall, because you always tripped on your own feet."

"And back then, you convinced me it'll be okay but I still fell and I broke my arm."

"But I want you to be with me. I won't let you fall this time, promise" he said, but then he added "Pinky promise."

Oikawa couldn't help the blush on his cheeks, neither the smile growing on his face. Iwaizumi turned his head toward him, sparkling eyes. "Are you blushing? Seriously?"

"You said some embarrassing things, it's not my fault" Oikawa said, jumping on Iwaizumi's back, tangling his long legs around his waist and settling his arms around Iwaizumi's neck.

"My fault, of course" Iwaizumi said, looking at Oikawa from the corner of his eye. "You'll have to hold on tight, okay? I'll be climbing and you're still heavy. So just--hold me tight yeah? If you dare falling off I'll kick you're face."

"How can you be so apathetic? I thought you loved me..." Oikawa said softly.

"It's because I love you I'm doing this. Otherwise, I wouldn't care if you stayed down here."

"Thank you" Oikawa said, not satisfied. At all.

"Also, since you're scared, you'll be clinging to me. And that's kind of... nice" Iwaizumi said, and Oikawa thought he was teasing him, but Iwaizumi seemed serious. Serious enough to blush about it, at least. 

"Are you blushing? Seriously~" Oikawa said, and was about to keep teasing when he heard his friend clicking his tongue as he started climbing up. It seemed half easy, and half a struggle. Oikawa saw his friend climbing that tree plenty of times, so he knew how easy it was for him--or at least how easy it  _should_  be. This time wasn't like all those time. Iwaizumi's movement were a little less fluid, and he was taking more time than usual, taking some pauses. Oikawa could tell. "If you drop me--"

"I won't, Trashykawa."

"I see you struggling."

"I'm not struggling, I'm being careful, idiot."

"Iwa-chan, I'm serious I--" Oikawa was shaking, because wasn't this like, 100 times more dangerous? He was kind of heavy, and yes, Iwaizumi was kind of strong but... the whole thing was such a bad idea.

"Look. When we'll be up enough for that first brach, you'll have to get off my back and--"

"That branch will fall, Iwa-chan! You said it yourself--I'm fucking heavy!!"

"Don't be an idiot, it won't. You'll be fine you just--"

"This was a bad idea. I want to get down."

"We're already too high for that, Oikawa" Iwaizumi said, one of his hand griping firmly the first branch. "Look, I'll hold it to push myself up, okay? You'll just have to sit on it when I'll tell you. Then, you'll have to hold on thigh to it, the time I sit there too. We won't go higher than that."

Oikawa didn't notice he had his eyes closed until he started opening them in that moment, "I'm gonna fall."

"Iwaizumi" Matsukawa said, jumping into the grass, not at all gracefully as Iwaizumi did before. "I'll be down here, so if Oikawa fall because he's a clumsy brat, I'll catch him up. You heard,  _Clumsykawa_?"

"Don't you dare calling me stupid names like that!"

"Iwaizumi does it all the time" Hanamaki said from the top of the tree.

"Iwaizumi is--it's different. He loves me, so I don't mind" Oikawa said, and felt Iwaizumi's body tense a little. Was it because he said something he shouldn't have? Or maybe he should have said something else? Or maybe--

"Gross~" Matsukawa said, "Still, don't worry Oikawa, we're here for you."

"Now, Oikawa. You can let go off my back, do it slowly" Iwaizumi said calmly. "When you're sure you're settled, one hand at the time, hold on the branch, yeah?"

"Your instructions are shit, Iwa-chan. Lucky you I understand your lack of vocabulary" Oikawa said, but did as told. He was still scared when he let go of Iwaizumi's shoulders, then took a good grip tightly on the cherry blossom's branch like his life was depending on it--well, wasn't his life actually depending on that?--, his eyes closed. "Iwa-chan, I'm--I'm done" he said, still scared, eyes still closed. He was scared of being left there, and he knew it was an idiotic thought because Iwaizumi would never do something like that. But it still was something he wasn't ready to have to deal with. Oikawa wished he wasn't that insecure.

"I'm here, Oi-ka-wa~" Iwaizumi said, softly and slowly, and Oikawa felt Iwaizumi's hands taking his and putting them on his shoulders, that way Tooru would still be clinging on him. Tooru opened his eyes, and he was there, now facing him, Iwaizumi's back against the tree, looking at him with a smile. His hands then slipped under his thighs, and Oikawa felt his cheeks hot. "Don't get any weird idea, Assikawa. I just want to--" he started, pulling Oikawa toward him, so he would be closer to him. "You can, hm--you can like, wrap your stupid long legs on my, hm, waist again. If you want? That way you're not gonna fall" he said quickly.

Oikawa did as told. He leaned a little forward, holding firmly Iwaizumi's shoulders as he sat closer to him. He was aware of the position he was in, his legs spread that way, and having Iwaizumi between them was kind of embarrassing, but he was still too scared to worry about it. Or to worry about Iwaizumi's face, and the way he was staring at him. Or to worry about Iwaizumi's hands still holding his thighs more possessively than seconds ago and how his crotch was so close to Iwaizumi's and--

"You're so pretty" Iwaizumi whispered, making Oikawa's whole body grow warmer by the second.

"How can you say stuffs like that, oh my gosh" Oikawa said, snuggling his face into Iwaizumi's neck, his hands on his back, brushing his shirt slowly with the tip of his fingers while Iwaizumi's hands were now softly brushing his thighs, and Oikawa wished he wasn't wearing that horrible sweatpants right now.  _Shorts_ , he thought,  _I should have wear shorts today, so Iwaizumi would be touching my skin directly_. Oikawa shook his head at that thought.

"You're still pretty" Iwaizumi said in a whisper, biting the other boy' earlobe.

"Iwa--" he groaned, biting his own lip, "Mattsun and Makki are there, don't do stuffs like that!"

"Nop, they already left."

"What?" Oikawa asked, his lips against Iwaizumi's neck, "When--"

"The moment you had your legs spread in front of me, Hanamaki jumped down and they went inside my house. Can't believe you didn't even notice, Trashkawa" Iwaizumi said with a chuckle.

"When you say it like that, I feel like a whore" Oikawa said, biting softly Iwaizumi's neck. He smiled at the feeling of Iwaizumi's skin shivering.

Iwaizumi chuckled, tilting his head back, giving Oikawa more space. "So...  _Whorekawa_?"

"Rude" he said, his hands now touching the bare skin under Iwaizumi's shirt, lips now kissing his collarbone, making the boy thrill under him.

"You know we're still outside" Iwaizumi said, breathing a little bit louder than usual. "If you keep doing shits like that, people will see us."

"Like I care~" Oikawa said, now kissing Iwaizumi. "You still have your hands on my tights and I'm pretty sure everyone can see how hard I am" he added with a smirk. Iwaizumi choked, pushing him away for a second. He was embarrassed, Oikawa noticed. "Are you really blushing because I said I was hard?"

"That's not the kind of thing you say when we're in public, idiot!"

"Why?"

"You're teasing me" and he was looking away.

"You've being touching me for what seems hours to me, you literally pulled me toward your crotch, looking at me with those naughty eyes of yours and  _I'm_  the one whose teasing? Who are you kidding, Iwa-chan?"

"I didn't--"

But in that same moment, they both heard noises--noises more like moans--coming from Iwaizumi's opened window. Iwaizumi's eyes widened, and Oikawa followed what he was staring at. "Is it--"

"I swear, if they're fucking in my bed, I'm going to kill them" Iwaizumi said. 

 

 

"Hajime-kun, we weren't going to--"

"If you say one more word, I swear I'll punch you until Matsukawa won't ever recognize your stupid face" Iwaizumi treated, and that was enough for Hanamaki to be silent.

The two boys were shirtless, pants less, sat on Iwaizumi's bed, looking at the floor. They weren't really ashamed, Oikawa knew. They were feeling bad because they got caught, that was all. He honestly wanted to laugh about how brave they both were for trying to fuck in Iwaizumi's room. He even wanted to tell them it was such a great idea, but Iwaizumi seemed pissed. Pissed wasn't the right word, actually, it seemed more than that.

"Don't you have an apartment?" Iwaizumi asked bitterly at Hanamaki.

"But Hajime-kun" he whined.

"Stop calling me that" Iwaizumi said sharply.

"Iwaizumi-san" he corrected, still whining, "Oikawa was in such a position with you. And you looked so hot, looking at him with so much lust~"

"We were just following your example, I-wa-chan~" Matsukawa added with an innocent voice, but his smirk was anything but that.

"You're our senpai" Hanamaki added, ignoring Iwaizumi's discomfort.

"You're our model" Matsukawa said, taking his shirt from the floor and putting it on, still smirking. "We just wanted to be like you~"

"Screw you" Iwaizumi said, going outside the room, leaving Oikawa alone with them.

When he made sure Iwaizumi wasn't there anymore, Oikawa started laughing, followed by Hanamaki and Matsukawa. "That was... brilliant. Genuinely brilliant" he said, laying down on the bed, between his two friends. "You'll have to do it again, properly this time" he said, followed by a giggle.

"Then, next time, keep him busy, Tooru-chan" Hanamaki said, laying down next to Oikawa, wrapping an arm around him and his leg over him.

"Are you really all over me, while you still half naked?"

"Does it bother you? 's not the first time, though" He said, and Matsukawa was chuckling at that. Hanamaki glared at him, "and  _you,_  you're supposed to be jealous of me saying that to Oikawa. Ba~ka."

"I can't be jealous of Tooru" Matsukawa said, laying down as well, playing now with Oikawa's hair. "I mean, I'm the same with Iwaizumi. I've enjoyed sleeping with Iwaizumi, and taking bath with him. I kind of relate when you cling so much to Tooru."

"What?" Oikawa asked, shocked.

"Yeah" Hanamaki said, now leaning on his back, "I have to admit I also have a thing for Iwaizumi. He's not even that tall, but... his shoulders. I just go.. woooow~"

"Or his ass, when he wears our uniform!"

"Fuck, that's such a blessing, isn't ?"

"Totally."

"Stop talking of him like he's a piece of meat!" Oikawa said, trying not to sound so possessive.

"Have you noticed" Hanamaki said, ignoring Oikawa, "Iwaizumi-san has such a soft spot, right under his jawline. He giggles every time we brush it."

"Kind of cute" Matsukawa nodded, "I remember one time, we were playing truth or dare and I had to be on top of him and--"

"Oh, I remember!" Hanamaki exclaimed himself, "that was some weird kink he admit having, wasn't it?"

"Indeed, indeed!"

"You two are horrible!" Oikawa snapped, standing up and going outside the room, leaving the two boys giggling behind.

 

*

 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi's last night together in the same city came a little too soon, and time flied a little to fast. They spent all day together, shopping and preparing their luggages. Then, they watched crappy movies--in Iwaizumi's opinion--until they weren't paying attention anymore. It started with small kisses, becoming longer ones, holding on the other one's hair or the other one's back. It was kind of messy the way Iwaizumi's hands tried unzipping Oikawa's pants, and the sounds coming from Oikawa's mouth when Iwaizumi started touching his crotch made both of them blush even more than usual and get even harder than how they already were.

Iwaizumi's body was warm over him. Every touch was driving Oikawa insane, and he felt like every touch was painfully too pleasant, driving him needy, making him want for more, ask for more, beg for more. Oikawa's nails were digged into Iwaizumi's back as the latter started thrusting slowly into him. Oikawa was nervous, and felt pain and had to breath heavily and moan louder than moments ago, but it still felt amazing giving everything to the boy he loved, and having that same boy giving himself back to him.

"Hajime--" Oikawa moaned loudly, his head tilting, his back arching in pleasure. "Hajime--I, nhn-- coming."

And Iwaizumi thrusted a little harder, stroking Oikawa's dick as he did, "Tooru--" he moaned, and that was enough for Oikawa to moan even louder than before, coming on Iwaizumi's stomach, breathless, Oikawa's body still trembling under his. Iwaizumi came a moment later as he moaned the other boy's first name.

Oikawa wrapped his arm around Iwaizumi's torso, one leg over him. The latter held his body against his own, his right hand playing with Oikawa's soft hair. "I'm sorry if this wasn't--" Oikawa started, but said nothing more, snuggling himself into the other's warmth even more, hiding his face a little into Iwaizumi's neck, bringing the blanket up his face in an attempt of hiding it.

"Shut up" Iwaizumi whispered, but for the first time it didn't sound mean or annoyed. It was actually kind of sweet, caring.

"This was my first time, you know" Oikawa said, and was happy there's wasn't that much light on Iwaizumi's room unlike his own--Iwaizumi wouldn't see how embarrassed he was of saying those words.

"You mean with a guy?" Iwaizumi asked, his fingers scratching softly the other's scalp.

"No, I mean--" Oikawa started, but he felt Iwaizumi's fingers stop, "It's no big deal, you don't have to make a face, Iwa-chan."

"You're not even looking" Iwaizumi said.

"Don't have to, I know" Oikawa said. Iwaizumi took the blanket off from Oikawa's face, making him jump in surprise. "Don't--I'm cold, Iwa-chan I don't--"

He looked up at Iwaizumi's face. He was now accustomed to the darkness of the room, and he was able to see clearly the other's face. Iwaizumi was smiling bright, and he sighed, closing his eyes. "I could die right now, and I'd be satisfied with the life I had~"

"Don't say things like that" Oikawa whined, "and don't smile when I tell you things like that. I'm embarrassed, I'm sure you know it."

"Why are you embarrassed?" Iwaizumi asked, brushing Tooru's cheeks with his thumb, a caring gaze on him.

"Because you were probably expecting me to be--experimented or, whatever."

"I wasn't expecting you to have fuck the whole population of Miyagi Prefecture, Oikawa."

"That wasn't--hey, that's harsh, wasn't it?" Oikawa asked, frowning.

Iwaizumi chuckled, holding Oikawa's svelte body against his own even more tightly. "What I mean is, I don't care if you fucked with someone before or not... Those things don't matter to me. But I do wanna be the last one you'll love like that, and kiss like that. The only one who'd make you moan and come just by calling you by your first name", and at that Oikawa felt even more embarrassed, but it was still amazing--how could Iwaizumi say those things without being embarrassed, his voice sounding rougher than usual but still hot as fuck? Tooru couldn't trust his own voice in that moment, so he just clicked his tongue, with a small giggle. Iwaizumi hesitated before adding "If--if it doesn't work, after we're--"

"After what?" he whispered.

"The two of us, living far..."

"It will work, Iwa-chan" Oikawa said softly, kissing Iwaizumi's jawline, making him shiver.  _Dammit, he truly is sensible. Stupid Hanamaki, you shouldn't know those things_.

"But if it--"

"Don't start saying stuffs like that. Don't ever talk about our future like we would be separate. That won't happen."

"It really is hard for you to let me talk, isn't" Iwaizumi said with a chuckle. Oikawa wasn't saying anything, so he kept going "I'll be waiting for you. Even if we really grow apart, even if you end up leaving this country for good, even if I start dating someone else. Even if 10, 20, 30 years actually have to pass away. If you ever come back to me, or ask me to leave everything to be with you, I'll do it. I'll do it again and again, because I do believe you're the one for me, Oikawa."

"Iwa-chan..."

"I love you Tooru. And I'll love you forever so please, please. Don't ever forget me, yeah? Even if Tokyo is amazing, even when you'll become the best setter of Japan and the entire world, one day just come back to me, yeah?"

His voice was shaking, Oikawa could hear it. He hummed, not able to keep holding his own tears. He cried silently against Iwaizumi's skin, and for once it didn't matter at all. He was hoping the future wouldn't be as hard as it seemed, hoping he would really end up being Iwaizumi's partner for as long as possible. Hoping for things, because that's what Oikawa was now excellent at. "You're like the sky, Iwa-chan" he started, and he knew the other one could hear his shaking voice, and his little sobs, but it wasn't a bad thing that night. "You know how the sky is clear blue during the day, and you can see how cloudy it can get, but it still always come back to blue? But you actually hide hundred, thousands of stars, lightning the sky even more than the sun or the moon. You're full of pretty stars, and I'm so glad I'm the one you choose to share them with. So, so glad Iwa-chan" he whispered.

Iwaizumi stayed silent, and Oikawa felt a little unsure of what he said. It did sound better in his head. Iwaizumi smiled, kissing Oikawa's forehead. "Well. If I'm the sky, you're the universe, aren't you? If I'm full of sparkling stars, you must have the prettiest galaxies, all turning around you because of how amazing you really are."

And Oikawa smiled against Iwaizumi's skin, whispering a soft ' _So cheesy, Iwa-chan, don't you feel_ _embarrassed at all?'_ , wishing he didn't have to leave his side. Not now, not tomorrow. Not even in a hundred years. He fell asleep hoping for things he wished could come true one day, and promising himself to be good enough for Iwaizumi, the way the latter one had always being for him.

 

*

 

The next day, Oikawa left Miyagi without waking up Iwaizumi, because he didn't want to say goodbye. That wasn't a real goodbye, because they would come back to each other, so there was no need, right? They will be back together soon, so a goodbye would feel odd, wouldn't it?

 _I did right, didn't I?_ He asked himself as he was staring out the window of the train, heading for a new home in Tokyo leaving memories and his first and only love behind. Tooru tried to ignore the pain he was feeling in his chest, because feeling pain meant he did something wrong, and he knew he didn't.

This wasn't a goodbye.

This wasn't the end of anything.

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING, and all of you leaving kudos and feedbacks, ASDFGHJKL !!! you all warm up my heart every time (✿╹◡╹)
> 
> loads of love to all of you xo


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